LOL Out Loud: 100+ Hilarious Jokes for All Ages

Q&A Jokes
Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
A: It was two-tired!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes?
A: They'd crack each other up.

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.

Q: What did the big flower say to the little flower?
A: "Hey, bud!"

Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why can't Elsa have a balloon?
A: Because she’ll let it go!

😂 One-Liner Jokes
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.

Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I would avoid the sushi — it’s a little fishy.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet — I don’t know y.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

I’m friends with all electricians — we have good current connections.

I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia… she whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

😆 Silly & Fun for All Ages
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"

What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!

What did one wall say to the other? "I’ll meet you at the corner."

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crummy.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.

😜 More Laughs Incoming
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes.

What did the cow say to the calf? It’s pasture bedtime!

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a magician? A labracadabrador.

😁 Quick One-Liners
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high — she looked surprised.

My dog used to chase people on a bike… it got so bad, I had to take his bike away.

I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

I told a joke about a roof once… it went over people’s heads.

I tried writing with a broken pencil… it was pointless.

I don’t trust atoms… they make up everything!

I asked the waiter if my soup would be long. He said, “No, it’ll be soup.”

I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.

Q: Why did the chicken join a band?
A: Because it had the drumsticks!

Q: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she’ll let it go!

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it!

Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree.

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Q: What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A: A waist of time.

Q: Why are ghosts bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them.

Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: "Lunch is on me."

Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything!

Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A: A can’t opener.

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.

Q: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
A: Sneakers.

Q: How do cows stay up to date?
A: They read the moo-spaper.

Q: Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one!

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: "I dot my i’s on you."

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut!

Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!

Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: "Nice belt!"

Q: Why did the cookie cry?
A: Because his mom was a wafer too long.

Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they spend all day in school!

Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: Why did the skeleton skip the party?
A: He had no body to go with.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: "I’ll meet you at the corner."

Q: Why don’t some fish play piano?
A: Because you can’t tuna fish.

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well!

Q: What kind of music do mummies like?
A: Wrap music.

Q: Why did the cow win an award?
A: Because she was outstanding in her field.

Q: How do you make holy water?
A: You boil the hell out of it.

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
A: Because they’re shellfish.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It swept in.

Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: Nothing — it just let out a little wine!

Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?
A: "Don’t look — I’m changing!"

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
A: You think it’s R, but it be the C!

Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it’d be a foot.

Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
A: Thunderwear.

Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Cancel its credit card.

Q: Why was the belt arrested?
A: For holding up a pair of pants.

Q: What did one hat say to the other?
A: "You stay here — I’ll go on ahead."

Q: What did the farmer say after losing his tractor?
A: "Where’s my tractor?"

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: How does a penguin build its house?
A: Igloos it together.

Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes!