I Beg Your Pardon?

After the music concert at church, Joachim, in whose car we had come, says his neighbor has offered him a ride home. “So you guys can use my car to drive yourselves home.”

It makes sense, I think to myself. Joachim lives on the other end of town, while the rest of us live in the same general direction.

“Okay,” I say. “May I have the car key please?”

“Just a moment, I’ll give it to you.”

We are all busy socializing and comparing musical notes with long-lost friends, colleagues, and other music lovers.

I then look around for Joachim to ensure we have a ride home. I catch the tail end of him getting into his neighbor Elizaphan’s car.

We have to run after Elizaphan’s car that’s leaving the parking lot, headed for the road. For some bizarre reason, Elizaphan continues driving and Joachim decides to throw the key out of the car window. It lands on the road, onto the path of an oncoming pickup.

Our friend Habakkuk goes after the key blindly; oblivious to the danger ahead of him. The driver of the pickup slams on the brakes sharply and just misses hitting Habakkuk, who retrieves the key.

Meanwhile, the driver behind the pickup was perhaps distracted and rams into the pickup hard. But instead of hitting Elizaphan’s car, the pickup driver has the presence of mind to turn the wheels onto the other lane, which is car-free.

But not the driver who hit the pickup. He doesn’t seem to have control over his vehicle. He drives like one deranged and hits Elizaphan’s car so hard that the boot is locked shut. He seems to have been accelerating his car, rather than applying the brakes.

Well, his car is a write-off.

And so are our nicely laid-out transport plans.

***

My sister-in-law and I are wearing similar yellow skirt suits. I comment that her skirt is a bit tight. She offers me another skirt suit to wear.

“But it’s your skirt that’s too tight,” I tell her. “Mine is fine. It’s you who needs to change.”

“I thought perhaps you are projecting your insecurities on me,” she answers. “I thought you were uncomfortable in your skirt.”

“This is absurd,” I answer. “I give up.”

“Why are the two of you wearing similar skirt suits? Don’t you care for individuality?” a cousin says.

Wow, there is no winning here.

***

The avocado tree has stood for some 30 years. It is in my compound, right next to the border with my neighbor’s property. The tree’s canopy spreads out, enabling my neighbor to not only enjoy its shade but also the avocado fruits.

Well, that’s until two months ago, when my old neighbor died and his son inherited the property.

“You need to this tree,” he tells me.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because it’s encroaching on my property.”

“Are you serious? The tree lies squarely on my property”.

“But the shade and fruits fall on my side.”

“Surely, you don’t mind the shade and the fruits.”

“I do mind. I didn’t plant the tree and don’t need charity from you. I don’t want to benefit from anything I’ve not worked for.”

He has given me a month to cut down the tree or he will report me to the local authority.

We await a Solomonic judgment from the local chief.