How to Annoy People More Effectively

We all have those people in our lives we'd like to annoy from time to time – the friend who takes forever to text back, the coworker who micromanages, the in-law who won't stop bragging. Annoying others can be quite gratifying when done well. Follow this simple guide to aggravate, exasperate, and bother people around you more successfully.

Step 1: Master the Art of Poor Listening

The foundation of annoyance is ignoring what people say. When someone is mid-story, glance at your phone or let your eyes glaze over. Give occasional “Mmhmm”s but no substantive responses. When they finish, say “Wait, what were you talking about again?” Make them repeat themselves, then interrupt to start a new tangent.

Step 2: Ask Repetitive Questions

When you already know the answer, ask again anyway. Keep questioning despite receiving the same response. Say “Oh, got it” like you understand, then ask once more just to be sure. Feign forgetfulness. This repetitive cycle will grind their gears quickly.

Step 3: Offer Unwanted Opinions and Advice

Few things rankle people more than unsolicited input. Provide your take on situations no one asked about. Give directions to places they already know. Recommend products to buy or foods to try that you prefer. Your advice will perplex and irritate. For extra impact, argue with their opinions.

Step 4: Never Make Plans Concretely

Be the friend who takes ages to commit to plans. When asked to hang out, say “Maybe” or “I'll let you know.” Accept plans tentatively, then back out at the last minute. Keep things perpetually up in the air to heighten frustration. Bonus tip: be late and blame traffic.

Step 5: Nitpick Minor Flaws

Zero in on any small imperfection and call it out unnecessarily. Remind someone they have errant strands of facial hair. Comment on barely noticeable stains on clothing. Critique minor organizational mishaps at work. Your keen eye for insignificant defects and willingness to voice critiques will get under their skin.

Step 6: Make Everything a Competition

Turn innocuous activities into contests no one else is competing in. Debate who found a parking spot first or who finished eating fastest. Race people to the door. Gloat excessively when you win these arbitrary competitions. Fighting for first place at everything transforms you into their adversary.

Step 7: Feign Interest, Then Immediately Lose Focus

Draw people into conversation with enthusiastic questions. Appear engaged and attentive with eager nods and smiles. Wait until they’re mid-story, then abruptly look at your watch, check your texts, or greet someone else passing by. The emotional rollercoaster will infuriate them.

Step 8: Always One-Up Their Stories

Listen just long enough to identify a way you can share “an even better” story. No matter their accomplishment or experience, have a go-to anecdote that tops it. Your insistence on overshadowing their perspective will swiftly get on their nerves.

Step 9: Make Plans Within Their Plans

When someone invites you to an activity, coordinate another event immediately before or after without checking with them. Make them rush to accommodate your agenda or stay later than they intended. Your lack of consideration for their existing plans will drive them mad.

Step 10: The Forget and Repeat Method

Bringing up old arguments or resolved issues is an effective annoyance tactic. “Remember when you forgot my birthday?” or “Are you ever going to pay me back that $20?” work well. Keep dredging up the past, especially after agreeing to move on. The flip-flopping will infuriate them.

Step 11: Always Be Right

Few behaviors are more grating than someone insisting they're right about everything. Refuse to back down during disagreements. Double down when proven wrong. Cite meaningless credentials and hearsay as evidence. Your stubborn insistence on your own greatness and expertise will get tempers flaring.

That covers the fundamentals – poor listening, unsolicited advice, noncommittal planning, one-upping stories, dredging up the past, unnecessary criticism, arbitrary competitions. Master these techniques for maximum annoyance capability. Hone your skills on family, friends, coworkers, and anyone else who could use some irritation. Soon you’ll aggravate even the most stoic individuals. Just try not to overdo it – unless intentional annoyance is your full-time calling.