Complain, Complain, Complain!

And they blame me for everything humans have done wrong.

I am a human. My name is Kloey. But I'm only 11 years old, and I've barely had time to learn anything in this world because of how exhausting it is to go into a school filled with bright lights. These Shadows, they took over the world some years ago, and ever since then they've been kidnapping children to build up their army. They kidnapped me, too.

But lucky for me, I cannot be turned into a raging, horned, opinionated monster.

So they've decided to keep me in the Realm as punishment. How cruel! How unfair!

And the most terrible thing of all... is that I have to listen to Red's spiels.

You see, I don't think you understand. Red is the leader of the Shadows, and if there's one thing he does best, it's complain. Although he looks at it as accusing, not complaining, but I find it incredibly annoying, and I know for a fact that he's just complaining. Because if he actually cared enough about what he was complaining about, he would do something instead of just complain!

What does Red complain about, day and night?

Humans.

It's always "The humans did this" and "The humans did that" and "They're so cruel, look at how they act!" Most of these complaints are directed at me, too, because Red apparently hates even the children of humans who know nothing about the world and only want to return to their bedrooms where they can play Minecraft on their old Xbox 360 that's almost older than them. Red just hates everybody and everything. Red is so annoying.

Because I'm nice, and because I want to bore you like he always bores me, I'll tell you how his spiels go.

For starters, he blames everything on me.

I thought offspring and children were supposed to be innocent. But according to his devilish voice, we are just as bad as our parents! Human children are apparently filthy, unkind, devious, mischievous, and the perfect candidates to be turned into Shadows. Human children are the ones who are going to destroy the world. Human children are the future that is bleak.

I know. I hate it, too. I hate it more than you. I hate it just as much as I hate Red. These accusations are pointed at me!

He says that humans are going to destroy the environment completely. But oh, if you're so "concerned" about it, why don't you just do something about it yourself, Red?! Why don't you just go out there and fix everything yourself, huh, Red?! Why can't you just do it all by yourself, buddy?

Of course... I'd never say this to his face. He'd probably murder me or something really bloody and gruesome. Although I'm used to it. I get nosebleeds all the time (and it's... totally not because I pick my nose!) and I started my period when I was 10. I see blood a lot. Except that comes without pain, and I'd rather not be murdered by the hands of a murderous Shadow whose head looks like somebody stuck two long, black traffic cones on top and welded them to curve inward. I'd just rather live.

Except living involves hearing more of Red's rant! Ugh! I can never catch a break!

You know what? You deserve to hear more of his rants. My treat.

He says that humans are too careless and don't take care of anything themselves. But excuse me, sir? Have you seen the people who live in South America? Have you seen the people anywhere on the Earth? They work for everything they have! I guess he's just looking at America. But if he insults my country one more time, I oughta... I oughta...

...get punched in the gut by him. I just can't stand up to him. Standing on my tippy-toes, I only make it about halfway up his body! His head is like, 5 feet above me! If you think you're so smart, then why don't you just go and stand up to him, huh? See how it feels!

Red fixates himself too much on America. I think he only looks at the big cities, or DC, or how the politicians treat themselves to fudge rounds using money that they didn't earn. He never looks at the farmers who plow their fields or milk the cows or take care of a thousand horses.

And, oh golly, this is the worst part of all!

He complains about people who eat!

Isn't that, like, everyone, you ask? Yes. It is everyone. He literally complains about everyone. He started complaining because I told him that I needed food, and he got really frustrated that he actually had to-- surprise!-- provide me with the materials that my body requires to live! Food! Drink! Bathroom! Bed! He thinks humans are too needy when that's actually what we need to survive!

He complains and complains and complains. "Humans eat too much! Humans are terrible! Humans are destroying themselves! BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

OK, he doesn't say "blah..." but it sounds to me like he does!

He gave me this journal to write down my thoughts in, because he was complaining about how I have an overactive imagination and it's always hurting his head to hear everything I think every five seconds. But that's not my fault! It's not my fault I have a maladaptive imagination! And there's nothing he can do about it. So once I get out of this dumb ol' Realm, I'm gonna show the world how much the leader of the Shadows actually complains!!

Why doesn't he just do something about it? Why won't he get off his butt and save the world? Why does he leave everything up to humans? And why does he blame every bad thing about humans on everybody instead of just the people who do the bad things?!

He blames me for "global warming," whatever that is. (Like I said, I didn't have time to learn much before the Shadows took over the world.) He blames me for eating chicken and cows, even though that's just a normal thing I do. He blames me for pollution and the death of animals and tornadoes and forest fires and thunderstorms and tsunamis. He blames me!

But I didn't do anything wrong!!

And he hasn't gotten up off his royal Kingly Leader-of-the-Shadows butt and done a thing!!

Ugh!