An emotional letter left unsent

Hi friend,

I’m not even sure where to begin. It feels so strange to be writing this, especially knowing it will never reach you. But maybe, by putting my feelings into words, I can find some clarity, even if it’s just for myself.

I don’t know what happened between us. One moment, everything felt perfect—like we were two pieces of a puzzle that fit so effortlessly together. And then, in a blink of an eye, it all started to fall apart. It’s as if the very foundation we built everything on began to crumble without any warning. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t.

I miss you in a way that words can’t really capture. It’s not just the big moments we shared, but the small ones too—the way you used to smile when you were nervous, how you always knew how to calm me down when I was anxious. It’s the way we’d just sit in silence and it never felt awkward, because your presence was enough. I thought that was something special. I thought it meant we had something real.

Now, I’m left with memories of all the little things you used to do, and it hurts. It hurts so deeply that I don’t even know how to explain it. I keep asking myself if I could have done something differently, said something differently, or just been a better version of myself. Was there something I missed? Some sign that would have told me this was coming?

I don’t know if I’ll ever get the answers I’m looking for, and maybe I’m not meant to. Maybe the lessons I need to learn will come from within myself, not from any conversation we could have had. But that doesn’t change how I feel. That doesn’t change the emptiness I carry around with me every day.

The hardest part is the silence. Not just the silence between us, but the silence within me. The silence that says everything is fine, even when I feel like I’m breaking inside. I don’t know how to move forward. Every step I take seems to bring me closer to a place I don’t recognize, and yet, I keep walking anyway. It’s as if I’m searching for something that’s no longer there.

I know we both need space. I know this distance is necessary for healing, but it doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make the ache in my chest disappear or the questions in my mind stop spinning. I wish I could turn back time, or at least hold onto the good parts for just a little longer. But I can’t. And I’m learning to accept that, even if it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I hope that, wherever you are, you’re finding peace. I hope you’re happy, and I hope you’ve found the things that make you feel whole again. I want that for you, even if it means that our paths have diverged. I know we both have our own journeys now, and maybe that’s just the way it was meant to be. But that doesn’t mean I won’t always carry a part of you with me. I will.

So, this letter will stay here, in the silence of my thoughts. I’ll never send it. Maybe it doesn’t need to be sent. Maybe it’s enough to just put it out into the world, even if only for my own sake.

I’ll keep moving forward. I’ll keep living, even when it feels hard, even when it feels like I’m carrying the weight of all the things left unsaid. But I’ll never forget you. And I hope, in some quiet corner of your heart, you’ll remember me too.

Goodbye, for now.

With me, I still carry,

Badhan

---

Let me know if you’d like to adjust any part of this!