20 Funny jokes

160. The Dead Homeowner

When a homeowner died, the women of the house cried:

“Oh, where have you gone? A place with no bread, no water, no servants, no light, no air!”

One woman added:

“Wait—I’ll go check. Maybe he’s just gone to our house!”

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161. Sajid and Naveed

Sajid: “How was your exam?”

Naveed: “I handed in a blank sheet. What about you?”

Sajid: “Same, I also gave a blank sheet.”

Naveed: “Oh no! The teacher will think we copied from each other!”

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162. The Soldier

A soldier always stayed close to his officer in battle.

After the war, the officer praised him:

“You’re a loyal soldier. Even in war you never left me.”

The soldier replied seriously:

“Sir, my mother advised me—always stay close to the officer, because in war, officers die less often.”

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163. The Three Friends

Three friends argued that money meant nothing to them.

One burned a hundred-rupee note.

The second laughed and burned a five-hundred-rupee note.

The third took out his checkbook, wrote a check for ten thousand, signed it, and burned it.

The other two smiled weakly, but inside they wept at the waste of money.

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164. The Old Woman

An illiterate old woman sat alone when someone knocked.

She asked: “Who is it?”

Voice outside: “Postman.”

She said: “Tell me, son, what’s the news?”

Postman: “Good news! Your son is coming from America on Sunday.”

The old woman first rejoiced, then began crying:

“Other people’s sons come by plane. But my poor son—he’s coming on Sunday!”

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165. Habit

A leader had a habit of adjusting the microphone before giving a speech.

Once during the election days, his opponents put an electric current in the microphone.

When the leader came on stage to give a speech and, as usual, touched the mic with excitement, his screaming voice came out: “Ladies and gentlemen! Oh no, I’m dying!”

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166. A boy panting

A boy came running and panting to the doctor and said, “Doctor! I think I’ve gone blind.”

The doctor examined his eyes and said, “Son, your eyes are perfectly fine.”

The boy replied, “Then why can’t I see my roll number in the newspaper?”

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167. Teacher and student

Teacher: “What is your dress made of?”

Student: “Sir, it’s made by cutting down my father’s bigger clothes into smaller ones.”

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168. Tourist

A tourist came to Pakistan for the first time. At a fruit shop, he pointed toward bananas and asked, “What is this?”

Shopkeeper: “These are bananas.”

Tourist: “In my country, bananas are two and a half feet long.”

Then he pointed at apples and asked.

Shopkeeper: “These are apples.”

Tourist: “In my country, apples weigh five kilos each.”

Then he pointed at a watermelon. Embarrassed, the shopkeeper humbly said, “Sir, these are grapes.”

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169. Man to Mullah Nasruddin

A man said to Mullah Nasruddin, “I have pain in my eye, what’s the remedy?”

Mullah replied, “I had toothache once and had the tooth pulled out. You do the same, the pain will go away.”

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170. Cricket team

A cricket team once went on a tour to England. A bowler went to eat in a German hotel, but unfortunately, he didn’t know German.

He pointed at the eighth dish in the menu, and the waiter brought it. For days he kept ordering the same dish and got fed up.

One day he pointed at the very last item in the menu. The waiter smiled and said, “Sir, that’s the name of our hotel’s owner.”

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171. Weak eyesight

A man had very large feet and weak eyesight. One day he went shoe shopping with his servant, but none of the largest sizes fit.

Suddenly he found a pair that fit perfectly, and he shouted happily, “Fazlu, buy these! They fit just right.”

The servant replied, “But master, you’re wearing the shoeboxes on your feet!”

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172. Guddu and his father

Guddu asked his father, “What is a Miss?”

Father replied, “Someone who lectures for hours, scolds you, and sometimes even twists your ears.”

Guddu said, “Got it, Daddy! Mommy is your Miss.”

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173. Passerby

Passerby (to beggar): “You beg all day long, and now you’re begging at night too?”

Beggar: “Sir, these are times of inflation — one has to work day and night.”

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174. Court case

During a trial, the judge said to the accused: “Thirty witnesses have testified that they saw you stealing the car.”

The accused replied: “That’s true, Your Honor, but I can bring sixty witnesses who did not see me stealing the car.”

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175. Jhon and Mike

Jhon: “What does your father do?”

Mike: “He makes an instrument through which you can see across a wall.”

Jhon (surprised): “Really? What’s that instrument called?”

Mike (calmly): “A window.”

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176. Cannibals

An Englishman was captured by a tribe of cannibals and taken to their chief.

He was shocked to hear the chief speak fluent English.

Feeling a little hopeful, the Englishman asked, “You sound like you studied at Oxford University. How can you eat me?”

The chief calmly replied, “With a knife and fork.”

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177. Computer engineering girl

A boy teased a girl from computer engineering. She burst out in anger:

“Pen drive cap! Born error! Virus child! Corrupt Excel file! With one click I’ll delete you from earth and install you in the graveyard!”

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178. Customer and shopkeeper
Customer: “Do you have sugar?”
Shopkeeper: “Yes, sir, we do.”
Customer: “And soap?”
Shopkeeper: “Yes, that too.”
Customer: “Alright then, wash your hands and give me half a kilo of sugar.”

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179. First friend

First friend: “Where is your father?”

Second friend: “In the hospital.”

First: “Oh no! I’m so sorry. Why, is everything alright?”

Second: “Of course — my father is a doctor.”

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180.Husband and wife
Husband: “I invited my friend for dinner tonight.”
Wife: “Are you crazy? The whole house is messy, we haven’t even washed the dishes, and I can’t cook anything right now!”
Husband: “That’s exactly why I invited him. He’s foolishly thinking about marriage.”

Note :- It's part 8 . Part 9 will come soon, Inshallah.