11 Long Jokes That Are Totally Worth the Wait - Joke Dose

Let’s be honest—one-liners are fun, quick, and effective. But there are times when you need something meatier—a story that builds suspense, plays with your expectations, and hits with a punchline you never saw coming. That’s where long jokes come in. Think of them as funny little rollercoasters: there's a climb, a twist, and then a perfect drop that leaves you laughing. And let’s face it—when someone tells a good long joke at just the right moment, they own the room.

So, if your mind always goes blank when someone says, “Tell us a funny story,” this collection has your back. From witty exchanges and sarcastic comebacks to wholesome pranks and clever twists, these 11 long jokes are pure entertainment gold. We’ve rounded up the best of the best. Get ready to laugh, gasp, and maybe even admire some of the brilliance hidden in these funny tales.

1. The Smartest "Idiot" in the Room

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman stood up.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?”

“Actually, I don’t,” said the student. “But I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

2. The Kid Who Outsmarted the Barber

A young boy walks into a barber shop. The barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch this.”

He holds a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other, and asks the boy, “Which one do you want?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“Told you,” says the barber. “That kid never learns.”

Later, the customer sees the boy eating ice cream. “Why do you always take the quarters instead of the dollar?”

The kid smiles: “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over.”

3. Putin and the Gasoline Fundraiser

A terrorist is holding Putin hostage on the highway. A truck driver asks a nearby policeman, “What’s going on?”

“He’s threatening to pour gasoline on Putin and set him on fire unless he gets 10 million rubles. We’re collecting donations.”

“Wow. How much are people giving?”

The officer shrugs: “About a gallon.”

4. Can I Have a Penny, God?

A guy asks God, “Is it true that a billion years to you is like a second?”

“Yes,” God replies.

“And a billion dollars is like a penny?”

“Also true.”

“Then… can I have a penny?”

God smiles. “Sure. Just a second.”

5. From Hearse to Hysteria

A cab driver gets tapped on the shoulder.

He screams, loses control, and almost crashes.

“Don’t ever do that again!” he yells.

The passenger says, “Sorry, I didn’t think a little tap would scare you.”

The driver sighs, “It’s my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving funeral vans for 25 years.”

6. How to Motivate Your Boss

I complimented my boss on his new car.

He said, “If you work hard, stay focused, and give 110%, I can get an even better one next year.”

7. The Argument That Turned Darkly Funny

A wife packed her husband’s bags and shouted, “Get out!”

As he walked to the door, she added, “I hope you die a slow, painful death!”

He turned around and replied, “So… you want me to stay?”

8. A Praying Man Meets a Christian Bear

A man is being chased by a bear.

He prays, “Please let this bear be Christian!”

The bear tackles him, kneels down, and says:

“Lord, thank you for this food I’m about to receive…”

9. The Snail Who Held a Grudge

A guy throws a snail far away.

A year later, he hears a knock.

It’s the snail.

“What was that all about?!”

10. Long-Distance... Restraining Orders

“My girlfriend and I are trying this whole long-distance relationship thing.”

“I have to stay 100 feet away at all times. Also, the police say I should stop calling her my girlfriend.”

11. Astrology Meets Thermometers

During a checkup, I asked the doctor, “Do you think I’ll live a long life?”

“I doubt it,” he said. “Mercury is in Uranus.”

“I don’t believe in astrology.”

“Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.”

🧠 Want More Long Jokes?

This is just a sneak peek into the full list of 11 epic long jokes that take their time—but hit hard. Whether you’re stocking up for a party, looking for fun conversation starters, or just need a laugh after a long day, these jokes deliver every time.

Scroll down to read the full collection and don’t forget to:

1. ✅ Vote for your favorites
2. 💬 Share your own long joke in the comments
3. 📤 Send this to a friend who always forgets punchlines
4. Humor is better when shared—especially the long kind. 😉