Young Love

The Age Gap in Our Relationship

I'm 58 years old, and my fiancée, Holly, is 18. I know some people might find the age gap a bit odd, but honestly, we have a lot in common. We both enjoy life to the fullest - whether it's physical intimacy, making out in public, or partying together. We share these interests, which makes our bond stronger.

Meeting the Family: Mixed Reactions

Holly's father is 37, and let's just say we don't exactly see eye to eye. I suspect he's not my biggest fan. On the other hand, her grandfather, Carl, who's only a few years younger than me, and I get along great. We've had some good times together.

Eventually, Holly's dad gave us his blessing. I guess he realized that since he might bump into me in the middle of the night, wandering around in my underwear, I might as well be part of the family as his son-in-law.

Wedding Jitters

Once Holly and I set a date for the wedding, the doubts started creeping in. I began to question if I would still find her attractive as she got older - into her 20s, 30s, and beyond. Another thought crossed my mind: Should we wait until she finishes high school? If she does, does that mean we should go to the senior prom together? I love dancing with the younger crowd, but will there be any alcohol at the prom? These questions were buzzing in my head.

A Surprise Visitor

Just when I was thinking about all of this, something completely unexpected happened. My wife showed up. Now, I know what you're thinking: I thought she was dead too! Turns out, she's very much alive, and she's 92 years old. You might be wondering why I married someone so much older. Well, when we first tied the knot, I was just 15, and she was in her late 40s. Back then, it didn't seem all that strange.

Our marriage was happy for a while, but then I started fooling around with her sister, Phyllis. Ironically, Phyllis is now dealing with Alzheimer's, but that's another story.

Holly's Patience

Holly took the whole thing surprisingly well. She suggested we wait until my wife passed away before we went ahead with our plans. However, as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, my wife just wouldn't die. I'll admit, I did something I regret. Holly's son, Toby, is four years old, and in my frustration, I drove him over to my wife's house. I handed him a gun and told him to shoot her. Now, I know this sounds horrible, but Toby got confused and shot her dog instead. The poor thing was 150 years old in dog years.

Jail Time and Moving On

So, now I'm in jail. I asked Holly to wait for me, but she said she couldn't. Word has it she's now seeing a 19-year-old guy. Honestly, I don't think that'll last, but who knows? It did make me feel down for a bit, but I've been keeping myself busy in the prison library.

A New Plan: Cloning Marie Antoinette

One day, while I was reading an article in a high-end supermarket tabloid, I found out that a scientist had gotten his hands on some strands of Marie Antoinette's hair. He was planning to clone her, and I knew I had to get in on that. So, I wrote to him and reserved one of the clones. It wasn't cheap - five hundred bucks - but I believe it's worth it. I've always been attracted to Marie Antoinette, from both her paintings and the explicit drawings of her time.

Future Plans: Marrying the Clone

When the clone of Marie Antoinette turns 18, and I'm finally out of prison, I plan to marry her. I even wrote to my congressman, asking him to pass a law that would allow me to marry a 15-year-old clone. Sadly, I never heard back from him. After all, she's just a clone, right?

My friends have warned me, though. They say, "What if Marie Antoinette's clone doesn't want to marry you when she's grown up?" I guess if that happens, I'll just have to shrug and say, "Well, that's young love."

Reflecting on My Life Choices

Sitting in jail gives you a lot of time to think. Looking back on my life, it's been a strange journey, to say the least. From marrying an older woman when I was just a kid, to almost marrying someone young enough to be my grandchild, and now waiting for a clone of a historical figure to grow up so I can marry her - it's clear my life has taken some wild turns.

But that's the thing about life. You don't always know where it's going to take you. One minute you're a rebellious teenager marrying someone three decades older, and the next, you're locked up because of a misunderstanding involving a four-year-old and an ancient dog. You just can't predict these things.

Jail Life: A New Routine

Prison life isn't glamorous, but it's not all bad either. I've gotten into a new routine. I spend most of my time reading - mostly history books now. Maybe it's my fascination with the past that got me hooked on the whole Marie Antoinette thing. There's something oddly romantic about bringing someone from the past into the future and building a life with them. Or maybe it's just a sign that I need to move on from my wild fantasies and face reality.

I've also started writing letters. I write to Holly sometimes, even though she's moved on. I know she's with that 19-year-old guy now, but part of me hopes she'll remember the good times we had. Though deep down, I know that chapter is closed.

What's Next?

As for what's next in my life, that's still up in the air. When I get out of here, I'll be older, but hopefully wiser. Maybe I'll look for something more stable - someone who won't cause my life to spiral into chaos. Or maybe I'll double down on my plan to marry the Marie Antoinette clone. Who knows? Life's unpredictable, and I've learned to embrace the weirdness of it all.

One thing I know for sure: I'll never stop looking for love. Even if it's in the strangest places - whether it's a high school prom or the distant past brought back through the magic of cloning. Some people say love is blind, but I think it's more like love is just really, really strange.

Final Thoughts

I know my life has been unconventional, to say the least. Some might say it's downright bizarre. But through all the highs and lows, I've realized that love doesn't always follow the rules society sets. Age, time, even reality - sometimes none of that matters when you're just trying to connect with someone.