You Were Born This Way

“You called her broken since the day she was born, but she was never really broken until you broke her.” – Kendra Jaymes

Picture this you were brought into this world. A perfect baby, no damage no trauma. Just an innocent pink cheek human. You would cry as a baby, and toddler as nearly 100% of babies and toddlers do. You would touch counter tops, windows and doors with sticky fingers, climb on counter tops to try reach the good snacks. You would play with your barbies, stuffed animals and imaginary friend. You would fall down riding your bike and scrap your knee, cry. You would read books with a flash light under your blanket or play your Gameboy quietly at night. You would build forts, make magic potions in the backyard. And let’s not forget those Red Georgia clay mud pies. You would play in the woods, come home dirty and covered in mud and wash off with the water hose.

You would find old scrap wood just to build treehouses or castles. River raft in a nearby creek when the rain would roll in. You would laugh so loud with friends and run around the house wild and free. Playing with your cousins, swimming, putting on shows, creating cheer teams, and new games with the neighborhood kids, you would listen to music on your Walkman or CD Player, go to the skating ring with your friends laughing and having a good time. You would push boundaries and questions why you were told “No”. You would say I am not hungry than ask for fruit rollups and Doritos.

Sounds like a wonderful childhood. A Normal childhood.

Just imagine, getting beaten or screamed at for doing ANY of the things listed above. Imagine being beaten because you were simply behaving like a kid, and because of the abuse, because of the torment and torture. You act out. You start fighting back, you start talking back, you start taking your abuse you’re enduring out on others. Teachers, friends, peers your age. You than start getting labeled a trouble kid, a bad kid. They start shoving antidepressants down your throat to control your behavior. Your abuser now starts acting like the victim of your behavior. Your abuser starts using your behavior for empathy and sympathy, all while continuing to beat you behind closed doors. You’re troubled, you’re broken. Your abuser has 45 words to say to you, so she strikes you for every word she has to say. You are praying as she hits your that she loses her train of thought just so you can have a break in between hits. You’re praying today she doesn’t have a novel to say or she forgets to grab her shoe or a book this time. Man I love books, but I hated being hit with them. She even smacked me with a rolled up newspaper like a dog. Am I an animal? My father says I behave like one- but I just like using my imagination. Oh well, I can turn that off too. I can try to be better. If I’m better maybe they’ll stop and finally love me.

The Monster is painting you out to be a monster. She is painting you out to be bad. But you came into this world innocent, unbroken, untouched. You became a product of your environment. You were never born broken. You were broken by the woman who should have loved you most. You were broken by your own mother. And they deemed you as a bad kid, and a broken child.

Reminding you every day “You were born this way.”