You have a hollow soul living inside your shell

You ask yourself, is it really happy?

I remember that summer, the familiar environment and familiar people turned out to be strangers.

You think about suicide: if you die, there will not be so many unhappy things?

Did not have time to think did not have time to look back, unfamiliar everything.

You begin to slowly accept slowly adapt, meet some interesting friends you begin to really happy. You can't forget them, but rarely go back. They are like phantoms in your memory, fading and fading into nothingness.

You have told yourself not to forget the past. Because you always believed that they would not forget you.

But you are wrong, they are also adapting and changing. You don't want to believe it and selfishly wonder: what if the people I care about only care about me ......?

You like to fantasize and to deceive yourself. One day, you are addicted to the online world. There, you are free and spontaneous.

You think: this is what I want for myself, isn't it?

You join a big family, and you like the people there a lot. Because they're all so fun and friendly. You like to talk to them and you want to be a fun person too.

On the Internet, you're real. In reality, you're hypocritical. You start to be terrified that this is not the life you want.

But, your mother has a bad temper and works late into the night and is tired; your father is away all the time and spends less than three months of the year together; your grandfather is in poor health and recently became seriously ill; your grandmother and mother have resented each other for ten years.

You have a huge family. Many brothers but only one sister, you are the big sister and have to be able to take care of people. This is what adults have instilled in you since you were a child.

Since you understood, you witnessed it all and loathed it all. You pretend you are happy but like to let go.

Often your eyes are blank but you don't know what you're thinking.

Since childhood, your teacher told you that you can find happiness in the happiness of others. You believed it, and you have continued to believe it until now.

You like to read books, especially physical books. You have been involved in literature and romance, and have tried to write novels.

Because you want to find your own shadow in the characters inside, fantasizing whether the scenes inside will happen to you. You believe in it while laughing at your own childish ideas like others do.

Your heart is filled with many things that others do not know and do not understand. You have confided in a person you like and trust online, but he can't understand you. You feel sorry but with an unexplainable relief.

You've always known that you don't like to study, and you know that you're working hard now for your future self. You're afraid, afraid that you'll spend your life doing nothing but comforting yourself that ordinary is valuable.

You want to change, starting from now.

So, you wrote this paragraph. You believe that you will get better and better and become what you can like. I hope so.

Deeply dissect yourself. It's messy, but it's good that you can read it yourself.