You and The Author

I could sit here and tell everyone, or even just you about my entire life and it's ups and downs, lefts and rights. The whole shah-bang.

But I won't.

Look, I'm nearly twenty years old and frankly the most of my worries is making myself happy and lots of money and I can imagine its probably the same for you too, mysterious person who I hope has read this far into my story. If I'm being honest here, I've never written a book unless you count the ones we all did in kindergarten or preschool. You know the ones where our moms and dads hung up on the fridge and pretended they were words that came from the gods themselves.

Except if those gods were incoherent six year old's who didn't know how to spell the word blue. Come to think of it, I'm not totally sure if those "Gods" knew either.

I digress. Shall we begin? If you say no, I won't hear you and if you truly don't want to continue, feel free to read the lines above over and over until you get bored.

My name is Sequoia, but please for the time being, call me Quinn. Born and raised Canadian, I have never been the most fond of numbers so I took to words and art, like English and Social in school. I usually excelled in those courses but you don't really care for that story. My entire life I have struggled with depression and social anxiety, although I won't go as far to say I've been diagnosed. Because I haven't. Come to think of it, you and I are probably not so different, hm? I mean, no one is perfect, right? At least one person reading this now has probably gone through at least some kind of traumatic event that caused them to be the way they are now, good or bad.

I have seen my fair share of shit-shows. We all have, but it's how we deal with it individually that makes us special. Personally, I like to keep everything inside, at least for as long as I can until I find a healthy way to release whatever it is I've decided was important enough to bottle up into my own little universe of a brain.

So, a little more about me is I have one sibling, older sister by two years. She is very spiritual I guess you could say. In tune with her mind, or at least that's her goal. For now, her name will remain private but let me tell you a bit about her while you're here.

She is a very unique person. Struggling with depression, anxiety, stress and being the oldest you take the brunt of the parenting. The test subject, if you will. Although I'd never admit it, I do love her and wish her nothing but the best in her ways of life and it would definitely destroy me to see her go. But enough of the sappy shit, that isn't what this is about, right?

(The following section contains talk about sensitive subjects. Reader discretion advised)

Listen, I'm not perfect, and I think it's fair to say you aren't either.

My first relationship (Ah, young love) was a pretty nasty train wreck. I mean, how it all started to begin with was pretty tragic, but I'm just being dramatic here.

Ever since I could remember, I had been surrounded by beautiful, early blossoming friends, and I did love them, for at the time they were good to me.

I'm sure you can assume, young boys, seeing breasts and a large butt for the first time on a cute girl you go to school with everyday- It starts the whole "crush" thing. I was and still am a late bloomer. Nothing wrong with that, but it takes a toll on your mental health as a younger girl in school when you realize no one looks at you or is even at all interested in you. I believe it started around ten, or eleven years old when I started to convince myself I would never find love. No one would look at me the same as the other girls, and I'd have to change myself in order to find someone right for me.

If you currently struggle with thoughts like this, please know - You will never have to change yourself, how you look or act for anyone. You are You, and that's what makes you so darn special.

That's basically when it all went downhill. I started to eat less, eat more. I never truly had a healthy balance. I wanted to be skinny, have a gap through my entire legs but have a large butt and breasts. As cliché as it sounds, I wanted to be like the other girls. I never really stopped thinking like that, even now I still have my moments of looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

Because I started "training" my brain to thinking I was incomplete because I didn't look a certain way, that had a pretty damaging effect on my first relationship, which ended in a lengthy paragraph from my then boyfriend. The whole "I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Can't keep lying".

Yada yada yada.

I would love to write more about my past, but I can't really tell you how confident I am in that you are going to be truly interested in it. It isn't a happy story, and unfortunately I could probably tell you when it will end.

For now, this all I have to share. I have many stories in my head I'd like to finally write down and I'd be incredibly happy if even one person will read my story.

Thank you, for choosing my story.