Years of Unknown

I am now 26, but since the age of 11 have lived with a chronic illness called Crohn’s Disease. Crohn’s Disease affects the digestive tract and can cause severe weight loss and gain, malnutrition, fatigue, joint problems, endless nausea, and months without food, just too name a few. Personally, I have experienced almost all of the above. Since age 11, I have had three major surgeries, been on over 8 immunosuppressants, missed more than half of high school, and spent weeks in the hospital. Crohn's, has been a mountain to climb yet still in many unexplainably beautiful ways has been a blessing in disguise.

At age 17, I was one major surgery in and was still very sick. It was that year that I finally decided to become brave enough to attend Camp Oasis. Camp Oasis is a camp run by The Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America for children that suffer with Crohn’s Disease and Colitis, which are both forms of Irritable Bowel Disease. After only three days at camp I felt like a brand new person. I had grown, I had been seen and I had been understood. A beautiful mess of chaos. A chaos I never wanted to go away. I met a nurse at camp. She was beautiful, kind, and successful. We spoke for hours. She told me she had a major surgery early in her life. This surgery led to her getting an ostomy bag. An ostomy bag, for those who know what it is, is not seen as glamorous, or even thought of as something that younger individuals may have. An ostomy, is a medical appliance that sits on your stomach and allows another place for you to go to the bathroom as relief for your Crohn’s or Colitis.

I was in awe. I could not believe that someone I looked up to, and someone so young had this medical device. My mind was racing because before I came to camp I lived my life in the bathroom. i would go to the bathroom 30 times a day. I was afraid to leave the house. Even going for a walk was intimidating for me. As I continued my journey at camp, in the month of August, all I could think about was how much an ostomy may help me. Maybe I could have a life afterward? Maybe my anxieties would diminish? Yet, in the same breath, I wondered, would I ever snowboard again? Would I ever swim again? Would I ever hike again? As a 17 year old women this was a lot to bare both mentally and physically. Camp ended but my thoughts continued. I left camp, and as the months went on, the sicker I got. I finally decided to take the plunge. In March of 2013 I finally decided to undergo a surgery that could change my life.

It was successful, I came out on the other side with a small bag on my side, and little did I know my life was about to change forever. I am here, almost eight years later, typing this story. I have snowboarded in over 4 states. I work an extremely physical job as a women in brewing. I have traveled to three continents and over five countries. I have met the love of my life and I have shared my story.

I will never be able to explain the magic of being yourself. That same nurse, who opened up every little detail of her life to me, has helped me enjoy the life that I do. It is because of her that I was brave enough to take the plunge and make the absolute hardest, and best decision, I have ever made in my life. Three years after my surgery my incredible nurse friend and I continued to stay in contact. I was notified, by her, of another young women who was going through the same situation I had three years prior.

This young women, she had not gone to camp, and she knew no one who had experienced what she was going through. So I was happy to help. I decided it was best to go meet her in person. It felt like an interesting decision to go meet someone that I had only been texting and had just had an invasive and life altering surgery. I asked if it would be okay if I visited and I was accepted in to my new friends hospital room with open arms. We sat and talked for hours. This situation felt very familiar. It was like four years earlier when I was sitting in the nurses office at camp. Yet, this time I was the one doing the consoling my new beautiful and strong friend. She is now thriving, just as I am.

It may be one of the most beautiful parts of life I have experienced thus far and it all started with fear. A young nervous women, afraid to change, met with the kindness of a stranger. That gift, that love, it keeps on giving. I have every intention to make sure it stays that way. Always remember, that fear can turn into beauty: and that beauty is not always what it seems.