Women's Guide to Being Irresistible to Men

If you, like millions of others, are on the search for true love, you might have gone down the rabbit hole to look up ways to flirt or be desirable to others. So whether you are trying to find your soul mate, or at the very least someone you can call to be a plus one to a wedding, this guide might be just what you needed to meet that perfect someone.

This isn't mansplaining. This is letting you behind the curtain.

What the “Experts” Say

The experts on this sort of thing emphasize a lot on body language, particularly invading someone else’s personal space, or looking slightly uncomfortable. Apparently it triggers some kind of emotional response in men. It’s science!

• Flipping your hair
• Sneezing
• Biting your lips
• Moving your hips
• Gently touching the other person
• Wearing a ponytail

In all fairness, a woman with a head-cold putting on a scrunchie turns out to be the sexiest thing around! As far as emotional responses go, men are very emotional, they’ve just been told their whole lives that showing any kind of emotion will be used against them later. Don’t be her!

What is body language trying to say?

Some of these gestures are indicative of physical health and these actions draw attention to these attributes. Hair flipping draws attention to the health of a woman’s hair, lip biting gets a man to notice her lips, whereas wearing a pony tail gets a man to notice the nape of her neck. All are health/compatibility/sexual responsiveness tells. 

Gently touching a man’s hand or shoulder breaks through that personal space barrier.  It’s a bold move, and fairly innocent in a conversation, yet extremely effective when breaking through boundaries of polite conversation, or instigating more touching.

Even the sneezing thing does a few things.  It gets immediate attention (especially if a woman has a “cute” or unusual sneeze). It might start a conversation, especially if the man says “bless you,” which indicates compassion. Sneezing might trigger a nurturing response in some men who see that kind of vulnerability as catnip.   (See also “white knight syndrome.”)

The lip biting, the hip moving, and even the unsolicited touching are pretty aggressive and a little predatory.  As in behavior you might expect from a wild animal. Though faking a sneeze runs the risk of putting you in the same category of serial killers faking broken arms. Also, we’ve just been through a global pandemic. You’ll be lucky to be able to leave the house for two weeks if you are just randomly sneezing.

Dancing, Mirroring, and Intimate Space

Dancing is an orchestration of mirroring, and it works. Immediately, you are entering each other’s personal space.  You are bypassing casual touch, matching each other's rhythms, which isn’t normally accepted social behavior in public other than when you are dancing.  You are moving together. Men who refuse to dance are truly missing out on…life, pretty much.

You have to match each other’s moves to dance together.  Instant mirroring and synchronization.  You also break that personal space boundary.  In slow dancing, the man’s hand is at the woman’s lower back, or even just below her shoulder blades.  Fingers and palms, touching on the other hand. You are already holding hands.

You might even lean in and talk to each other.  Your breath in each other’s ears.  Extremely intimate.  The nervousness while dancing usually translates to smiling.  Most women love to be spun too while dancing. There is an element of control and danger all at once.  And most of all trust.  Don’t drop your partner during a dip either.  They won’t return your phone calls.

Don’t forget to have fun!

If you want to be irresistible, smiling is a good way to go.  A genuine smile too, not a beauty queen grin.  Laughter at tripping or missing steps is also good. But don’t laugh and giggle at everything.  Crazy people do that. But don’t put up with any shit either. If he’s one of those dude-bros who reminds you to smile, that’s a perfectly good reason to excuse yourself and call a friend to pick you up and delete his number. “Smile”…for real?

The Definitive List of What Makes Women Irresistible

If you need more help to sharpen your game, try keeping this list in mind the next time you meet someone:

• Be kind.
• Be confident but not cocky.
• Smile and laugh, but only at things that are actually funny.
• Be comfortable in your own skin.
• Be attentive. This is an ego thing.  All men want to be interesting. But don’t overdo it. He’s not that interesting.
• Be honest.
• Does it really need to be said to not be racist? Good.
• Do not be afraid to show your intelligence.  It is a myth that men are intimidated by this. Some men find it incredibly sexy.
• Be nice to your server and return your shopping cart. Get in the habit of doing this, even when you don’t think anyone is looking. Maybe Santa is watching.
• If he is picking up the tab, you pay the tip. Even if he already has.
• Have opinions! Share your thoughts on things!
• Don’t put other women down to bring yourself up
• Be able to tell at least one dirty joke. But don’t go full-innuendo, unless you just want a buddy who wants to watch Fletch with you and high-five after sex.
• Be open. “Mysterious” only gets you laid and ghosted.
• Go to therapy. Get over your bad boys and daddy issues. Come to terms with how your mother fucked you up. This isn’t for some guy, it’s for you, and it’s long past time you did something to take care of yourself. You work hard! You’ve earned your happiness. What would you say to your best friend if they talked about themselves the way you just did? Right?? So knock that shit off and start loving yourself, because you deserve better!
• Know at least one line from a “guy” movie. I.e. Full Metal Jacket, The Big Lebowski, the Godfather, etc.
• Stay off your phone!
• Show up!!
• Have fun!!!

What Men Want

He doesn’t care about your makeup, your perfume, your shoes, your hair, who you used to date, how awful all men are, how much money you make, how much money your ex makes, or you telling him how great you are in bed. That's all just armor you put on to keep yourself from being vulnerable.

If you are comfortable, he will feel comfortable. If he feels safe, he will open up. If you have a flat tire, he should probably know how to change a tire. So should you. Men find that incredibly attractive, and it's a good thing to know.

Save conversations about all the other stuff for your girlfriends over wine and Jennifer Lawrence movies. Even if you have a quirky nickname for him, keep that to yourself, put it in your blog, or whatever. Just be yourself, because that’s the person you’re always going to have to be. And if he's right for you, he wouldn't have it any other way.