Why your man needs alone time

Imagine you are a young man strolling down the street. You have your headphones in and are listening to a randomized playlist. Suddenly, a song comes on that you’ve never heard, and it is an absolute jam. You start hopping along a bit and meet some lads, they look at you strangely, but you turn off Bluetooth so they can hear, and they immediately join you, or nod approvingly. One lovely little jam session later and you are back to strolling along when disaster strikes.

You turn the corner, and instead of more lads, now there are women gazing upon your jam session. Your inner eye turns heavenward, asking the Lord for another of those meteors that killed the dinosaurs, yet this blessed relief does not materialize, and as you return your mind’s eye to the ground the amount of blood rushing to your face puts you on par with a tomato, and you are well aware you now have the appearance more closely matching a man several vodkas deep.

What caused this extreme difference in reaction? With the lads, only minor embarrassment, but with the women the gaze immediately embarrasses to such a degree that death is preferable. This difference in how men see women is a major component to the alone time needed by men. The gaze of women causes men, who are on average much less self-conscious, to immediately increase their levels of self-consciousness by at least 10 times. And men do not enjoy this feeling of increased self-consciousness.

But this is not the only factor contributing to the need for a man-cave. After all, husbands are usually away from their wives for several hours every day working their job. But this job isn’t a release from the judgmental gaze. Instead, it is a gaze that usually holds minimal respect, and an almost nonexistent care for the individual. Because of this, men most often seek solace on the way to or from work, or during their fleeting hours in the man-cave. It must be understood that this is one of the few times, and usually the only location, for the man to fully unwind, and the amount of time needed in this location differs greatly based on life conditions.

This is also not exclusive to men. Women also have this need of separate time, although I am unsure exactly what brings about this need of separation. It is likely that the heightened self-consciousness of women in general causes this need, and their dealing with it for most of existence allows them to deal with it differently.

The female version of the man cave is often described as “me time.” As far as I can tell, it usually involves going out and spending time with friends or on personal beauty projects, instead of isolating oneself from most of existence. Being much more social, women usually find the sweet release of this stress when talking with others who are sympathetic and understand what it is they are actually trying to say. *cough* we men really have very straightforward ways of talking, so the more roundabout female talking confuses us*cough*

It must be fully realized that if a man’s desire for isolation makes you feel lonely, left, out, or vulnerable, you need to discuss that with your man, but there are specific times you should not do this. Don’t do it immediately before, immediately after, or during time that your husband wants to spend in his man cave. Men on average (~80% according to one survey) want respect more than we want love, and if you intrude on time that we want to spend alone, it comes off to us as disrespectful. An attack immediately after leaving this time alone just feels like a lack of respect for our own wishes. So, give us a little bit of time. We are simple creatures, and times of isolation really do help our mental state sometimes.

Thank you very much for the read. If you have any comments or critiques you would like to make, I welcome them very much.