Why You Should Cohabitate Before You Get Married

Let’s say you just got married, and your wife is slowly moving in her stuff from her flat to the house you recently bought.

You’re both in the process of settling down — moving in the new furniture, unpacking all the wedding gifts, and setting your clothes in the wardrobe. All the shebangs to get you started on your life together as a married couple.

You and your partner are living the life. However, there’s one thing you didn’t account for: your different lifestyles.

Your wife wakes up early in the morning while you’re more of a night owl.

She uses a toothpaste squeezer. You would rather squeeze the tube as is.

She prefers to get chores done immediately, while you’re perfectly fine with setting them aside for later.

You tolerate each other at first, then the novelty wears off. The domestic bliss you once had for each other is long gone, only to be replaced with frustration and exasperation.

All this could have been avoided if you lived with each other beforehand. You need time to adjust to each other’s quirks and housekeeping styles. That way, you don’t grow resentful of each other.

This is the exact reason why people encourage you to at least travel or live with your partner before marriage. It gives you an idea of what your future life with them is going to be like.

There will be no take-back when you say your I dos and finally tie the knot. You have to be thorough and deliberate in your decision. Take a few precautionary steps before fully committing.

Think of cohabitation as a test drive. If your domestic life isn't great, it’s not going to be any better a few years down the line.

Why Should You Cohabitate Before Marriage?

According to the Council on Contemporary Families, couples that cohabitate before marriage are less likely to divorce.

This is further proven by a study conducted by the Pew Research Center.

They compared the level of trust and satisfaction between married couples and unmarried couples that are living together. The figure above shows that cohabitating couples are not much different from married couples.

These couples are accustomed to each other’s constant presence in their daily lives. They know each other from the back of their hand, and they read each other well. There’s no room for doubt or mistrust. All because they’re in close proximity.

Cohabitation gives couples an insight into whether they can manage to live together. If you were to marry without testing the waters, you’ll only add another pile to your list of potential marital problems.

How Living Together Can Make or Break your Relationship

Cohabitation is the ultimate test of your love. It is when you start to see each other at a deeper and personal level.

As you grow comfortable in each other’s presence, your barriers start to wear down. You don’t mind looking rugged early in the morning, nor do you bother with the dishes in the sink.

It’s habits like these that bring light to who you really are.

When you live together, you can get past the "new love" high and see your partner for who he or she really is. It means facing the difficult parts of life without pretenses or a rose-tinted glass. It’s just you and her down to your most honest selves.

Living together does not exactly ruin your relationship. It simply exposes you and your partner down to your core. You get to learn each other’s good and bad sides, how you react when you are put in a tight spot, and how you deal with each other as a whole.

If your relationship breaks as easily as a small difference, then it probably was never meant to be. A partner that nitpicks your habits is only looking for a reason not to be with you. Otherwise, they would’ve proposed a solution to compromise.

But if everything has been going smoothly so far, then that simply means a) you and your partner know how to compromise, or b) you fit in each other’s lives like a glove.

Domestic life comes with a lot of responsibilities and trials. Managing finances, dividing the housework, or even making time for each other. It will take some time to get used to, but that’s what cohabitating is for, isn’t it?

Choosing the Most Ideal Place to Live In

One of the most tedious processes of moving in with your partner is finding a place together. While your partner can move into your place and vice versa, there are still a few things you have to consider:

• The very first one on the list is your respective workplaces. The other half being accommodated might not find the location in their favor. Circumstances come to play such as traffic, travel time, and accessibility from public transportation.

• Basic needs must also be easily accessible. There should be a grocery store nearby at the very least. But if you live quite far off from the city, you have to make sure you have a car that doesn’t burn gas too quickly.

• The place also has to be at a reasonable price. Finding a good place at a good price in this day and age is not easy. You have to utilize all the resources you have.

If you plan on getting a mortgage loan, you have to make sure your job is secure enough. Likewise, if you plan on renting out a flat, it has to be within your means.

• Conducting a home inspection is an ABSOLUTE MUST. The condition of the house has to be good enough for you to settle in. Even if the realtor says that the house is in tip-top shape, you can never be too sure. No leaks, no dents on the wall, no faulty wires.

You can choose to conduct the home inspection yourself if you are experienced enough. Otherwise, it’s best to seek professional help.

Making the Final Decision

Cohabitation is a step closer to marriage. Once you’ve lived with your partner long enough, you’ll realize it’s basically marriage without the official title.

You just have to be prepared enough for the responsibilities and trials that come along with it.

Think of cohabitation as a start of a new life. You adapt to new routines, you learn to compromise with your partner, and you leave room for each other to grow.

This is but the beginning of your journey, so make it worthwhile.