Why You Should Be Picky With Who You Invest Your Time With

I have gone my entire life chasing new experiences with new people. Doing this repeatedly put me in a dark place of loneliness because I started to believe that no one is here forever besides family.

The people I’m referring to are friends from school, the military, parties, and so much more. Most people you come across are going to be in your life for a small amount of time. Everyone has an expiration date. You determine the expiration.

Ever since the love of my life helped shift my mindset in this way, I feel like I see life in a whole new light. I can still help people and share my positive energy, but I can’t give it to everyone. In this article, I will share a few ideas that might shift your perspective on your time and people.

People Come and Go

As an extrovert, I’ve met more people than I can remember throughout my lifetime. Growing up a military kid who moved around every few years and is was well-versed on social media, I was all about creating connections. Connections that didn’t last forever. It’s so stressful cycling through people. You give your energy to one or a few people you get excited to see, and you’re incredibly optimistic. But next thing you know, they’re gone, and you don’t hear from each other again. This happens to people all the time. Short-term interactions that disappear into thin air to become nothing more than a distant memory.

Since people come and go, it’s important to recognize the intentions behind your interactions. Are you looking for a friend for life? Are you looking for someone to help you with a project? Are you looking for someone who is down to do anything? For me, my intentions determined the expiration date of people I came across. So many “friends from college didn’t meet my needs in the long-term. So our relationship expired in a short span of time. It happens. I don’t dwell when it does. I know my worth and feel amazing with or without them. It was a good thing for the short-term and that’s fine! There are 7 billion people in the world you can meet. Short-term friendships or relationships happen. You grow from every experience.

I’m so lucky to have met my girlfriend and maintained a quality relationship with my family. Both parties support my writing, creativity dreams, and military career. I never take my support system for granted. Not everyone comes and goes. People come into your life and stay. They stay for a long while because they genuinely connect with you. And you genuinely care about them. They meet your needs. You meet theirs. When my car has broken down in the middle of nowhere, my inner circle has been there for me. When I had thoughts of causing self-harm, they were there to help me get out of the darkness. I value the people that are genuinely there for me and I’ll do anything to protect them. Friendships take just as much work as relationships. Every meaningful relationship requires open communication, quality time, and trust. Life happens and you’ll see who’s really there for you, and who’s not.

Your Inner-Circle Shapes Your Future

My inner circle consists of my family, my girlfriend, and buddies I deployed with. There is no specific number of people who can be in your inner circle, but it’s important to know who’s inside. You can make a list of people closest to you and decide who is worth your time and who isn’t. You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. I remember to acknowledge each and every one of them often and remind them of my appreciation for them. It’s not easy to connect with anyone. So when I found my genuine connections, I felt like life became so much more meaningful.

Level-up with the people who are there for the long-term. It’s sad when I meet someone who’s really awesome and gets really close to me, and then they desert me to a different group of people later down the line. This doesn’t happen to me anymore because I chose an inner circle for the long-term and not just a blip in my memory. I’m incredibly outgoing and know that I love interacting with new people all the time. My circle isn’t open to anyone, but it’s going to take time and genuinely analyze someone to decide whether or not we could be in each other's lives for the long term.

People in your circle should fit your future, not your history. I no longer speak to a lot of people I went to high school and college with. We went separate paths, met new people, and are no longer in each other's lives. It’s bittersweet, but I know that it’s what’s best for us. The connection is lost, but the memories are here to stay. Letting go of friends or someone important to you is not easy at all. But if you cut ties or they cut ties, it wasn’t meant to be. You can’t let your history make you chase people similar to them. They weren’t right for you because they lied to you, weren’t there for you, or just didn't connect the way you wanted them to. That’s okay. Not everyone’s going to fit our needs or wants in life. I kept my eyes open to those who have similar morals, values, or goals, and I’m glad I did. I was picky with who earned my time, and the relationships I built are going to last a lifetime. That’s priceless.

Your Time is Limited

Do you see them there for you 3–5 years down the line? This is a question I ask myself anytime someone I knew reaches out to me through Snapchat Instagram or Facebook. It’s a matter of whether or not they’re really there for me or want something like free flights. If I can’t see the person in question there for you several years from now, I think about closing off my interactions or not responding. It's often harder to let someone go than to cut them off, but when you put yourself first, it’s easier to let someone go than to remain in something toxic that holds you back. I used to talk to everyone because I craved attention, but now that I focus on myself and quality people in my life, I feel like I’m set free.

Some people want you in the short-term. That’s the truth. You meet their needs for now, but not forever. Interests between you two may line up for the time being, but it’s not always going to be this way forever. If you both enjoy going out drinking at the bars and partying now, is there still enough magic to remain close 5 years from now when you’re both settling down? Is that sustainable? Just know that some people are perfect for the short term, and others are diamonds in the rough. You want to stick with the diamonds for the long-term. They’re the loyal, honest ones who support you in anything you do and make you feel incredibly loved.

Share your time with people who deserve it. Not everyone deserves it. People will take advantage of those who don’t have their guard up and leave them in the dust once they get what they want. Once you find someone who meets your needs, makes you happy and is loyal, you have something real. Make sure to hold onto them and never let them go. They have the traits and interests that grab your attention now and will still grab your attention many years down the line. My family, girlfriend, and army friends are at the top of my list because we’ve been through so much together, and I know they’re here to stay. Once you know who’s worth your time, your entire world unlocks to new possibilities and memories you get to share together.

Quality Time with Quality People

Time is such a limited resource in life.

If I hadn’t met my incredible girlfriend that agrees with me that we’re soul mates, then I wouldn’t be on cloud nine like I am right now. I have everything and everyone I could possibly want to be part of my life.

Remember that people will come and go naturally, the people you let into your inner-circle will shape your future, and your time on this earth is incredibly limited. We only get one chance at life. I’m beyond blessed to have started spending quality time on quality people sooner rather than later.

The future looks incredibly bright.