How to Deal With Conflict in a Relationship

50% of couples in the United States divorce according to the American Psychological Association.

Problems are going to arise whether you were planning on it or not.

If you’re new to dating or in the honeymoon phase, things may seem perfect, sunshine and rainbows, but the truth is there will be some bumps in the road.

You shouldn’t worry and run at the first signs you see that issues are indeed arising.

I am nearly one week into a relationship I believe has long-term potential. We have a connection that I don’t take for granted. Everything seems perfect, but we’re both realistic and acknowledge that issues are going to come up.

We’re going to have bumps in the road, get upset by the things we do, or say to each other, and we’re ultimately going to work it out.

Having conversations with my girlfriend about communication has allowed us to resolve issues and get back to having good times together and building a solid foundation for a future together.

The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.

Remember that you got into a relationship or married for a reason — because you feel an incredibly special connection with this person and can see a future with them.

It’s a shame to see some couples fall apart all because small issues build-up, and it becomes an impossible rat-race to break away from.

Rest assured, you two will have a higher chance of staying together as long as you show special attention to the following points.

Understand When to Give Space and When Not

Offering your significant other space can be incredibly damaging to a relationship. If there’s an issue between the two of you, consider giving each other space. Also, consider whether or not you should confront one another.

In my personal experience, I was used to solving problems by asking her, “do you want space?”. I used to see it as a sign of respect, and some people genuinely do need space.

But little did I know that giving prior girlfriends space meant not dealing with the issue on the spot. One small issue led to other problems and ended up being the reason past relationships didn’t work out.

However, I couldn’t be happier to have met my current girlfriend because she’s an amazing soul and is an excellent communicator who likes to work things out and have the tough confrontations nobody wants, but are necessary.

Try and resolve the issue right there on the spot.

Sure, giving space implies that you’re giving the other person time to cool off. But at the same time, you’re creating an unfortunate opportunity for both of you to resent each other.

When you’re in a committed relationship or marriage, you can’t get mad at each other, never talk about it again, then go back as if everything is normal.

That’s a big red flag and a bad habit to fall into. Because at some point in time, all of the small issues are going to form into one catastrophic meltdown once one of you has had enough.

Please, for the sake of becoming part of the divorce statistic, come together when things get tough. You’ll be glad you talked it out, and the issue will be a thing of the past.

Listen to Each Other and Communicate Effectively

As cliche as it sounds, communication is the ultimate gem to a healthy relationship.

Divorce among couples occurs the majority of the time because of one of these two reasons:

1. Money
2. Communication

Money is a topic for another time, but clearly, if there are financial issues that are going to affect your way of life.

To be reliable in the relationship, you’re going to have to solidify your communication.

In my relationship, I feel like we have listening down pat. In the beginning, I wouldn’t feel like I was heard because she would cut me off in conversations.

But ever since I spoke up about how I felt bad that my points were being cut off and pushed to the side, I’ve begun to feel more part of the conversation.

To be a good listener takes a lot of patience because when something comes to mind, all you want to do is share that idea. But patience goes a long way. It’s so nice to finally feel like I have the floor when I say what I want to say.

A conversation between my girlfriend and me has become a collaboration rather than a one-upping competition, and it’s fulfilling.

Some of the things you can do to improve your communication include:

1. Watching YouTube videos about communication.
2. Learning to read body language.
3. Learning to read a different tone.
4. Learning to read texts that seem off.
5. Learning to know what triggers your significant other.
6. Talking about it with family or a close friend.

When communication steadily improves, you are less likely to make each other angry and can focus on making each other happy.

It’s a skill that takes learning and practice, and it’s going to be different depending on every couple.

We all have unique forms of love languages, and it’s important to acknowledge the ones that pertain to our lovers. The five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, and acts of service.

5 Love Languages — Mind Body Green

Ask your significant other which love language speaks to them the most. Be sure to show them you love them by following through on the love languages they tell you matter to them most.

Be sure to listen and follow through with their love language. Your partner will love you to the moon and back if you can be the answer to their love language.

Communication is a trait that needs constant attention, and as long as both sides put in the effort, everyone involved will be happier.

Speak Up When Something Bothers You

Not many people like confrontation, and I’m one of them.

Sometimes things bother me that I don’t speak up about — and eventually becomes too much to bear, and I have to say something.

Examples of issues I didn’t speak up about include:

• Being interrupted when speaking.
• Bringing up an ex from the past.
• Not listening to your side of the story.

My girlfriend interrupted me a few times when I was speaking, and I began to get upset, but that’s not her fault. I never let her know how I felt unheard and that my thoughts were invalid.

But once I finally spoke up about the issue, she’s made a great effort to let me speak interruption-free. I’m happier, and she feels satisfied knowing that I now feel more acknowledged.

If you find the right partner who is willing to work through any issue, then you found the one. Someone to look out for is a person that doesn’t try to resolve problems and either repress them or pushes the issue to the side.

What I have found best that works for me is to give subtle hints that I’m bothered, but even better is to call the person out as soon as it happens.

The quicker that you can alert your lover that something is bothering you, the faster they are to stop repeating the behavior.

Time and time again, my relationship has been solidified thanks to my significant other and I speaking up as soon as we feel pain poking at our hearts.

Don’t hold in your emotions because your lover cares about you and wants to make things work. But they can’t make it work unless you’re vocal about the things that bother you.

We are all adults here and can solve issues together. Please don’t allow something so small to be the thing that kills your beautiful relationship.

The Endgame of Resolving Conflict

The fact is there will always be issues. You’re not going to eliminate every single problem and be perfect. No one can do that because we all get bothered by something here or there, whether it was intentional or not.

My girlfriend and I have had our fair share of bumps in the road. But each time we resolve a conflict, our love for each other grows exponentially.

I’m proud to say I’ve found someone I’m willing and wanting to resolve problems with is incredibly fulfilling. I feel like nothing can stop us, and we have the brightest future together.

To any couple who is going through issues, know that you are not alone and that every couple has them.

Your conflict resolution abilities to work things out when crap hits the fan will ultimately be the glue that holds you two together.

Be present when things are tough, look for ways to improve communication, and speak up when something bothers you.

As long as you do all three and then some, there will be nothing to hold you back from a happy future together.