Why You Feel Trapped

There’s no pathway. We’re all just Paleontologists looking at fossils that give us an idea of what worked in the past but has no guarantee of success in the present. It’s scary because everything’s unknown and every small decision brings life changing consequences. I mean the most life-altering decision in my life came from a split second decision I made in the shower with all the lights turned off.

That’s why I run from my planner. I jump on to anyone else’s proposed plans, but struggle reaching out first because my plans trap me in off-kilter whispers of self-doubt. I have this deep-seated fear I’m going to plan the wrong thing. To compensate, I form a vision that lacks genuine form because I’m so afraid of failure that I allow it to freeze me. This vision exists as a generalization and then I’m surprised when I feel like I’m in a directionless limbo. I let this idea of safety trap me in a cocoon and everything outside of this cocoon feels like the possibility of death.

I choose invisibility over potential scrutiny.

The benefit of all this alone time is self-awareness which often dictates maturity. I’m frequently told I’m ’wise beyond my years’. The truth is at the core we all hold the same insecurities and tendencies, so the more we know ourselves, the more we understand others. But it needs a balance because that way of living also steals so much experience and opportunity. Too much introspection leads to a lack of participation in things.

Jim Carrey has this beautiful commencement speech at the Maharishi University of Management where he talks about how his dad was laid off from his safe job as an accountant. That revealed to Jim how easy it is to fail at what you don't love doing, so might as well fail at what you love instead.

The flawed fear of death by leaving your safe environment is easy to get swept up in because it’s true. But you’re dying whether you’re inside or outside of it. So if you’re dying either way, never breaking out of the cocoon to become the butterfly you’re meant to be is a failure in of itself. Opting for generalization for the sake of preventing failure is a failure in of itself.

I think often the fear of failure is not actually a genuine fear of failure. It’s a fear of rejection. We’re afraid if we don’t measure up, society will cast us out. And that’s true if you’re terrible at kickball. You may get picked last on the schoolyard blacktop. But I’ve noticed failure is the most connective tissue we have to other people. It’s the one thing everyone can relate to, much more than any form of success. You can relate a lot more to my identity crisis when I returned home to Texas after failing to start a career in the film industry than a big acting role I may have booked.

I’m an actor because I’m fascinated by people and notice behavior and tendencies. One thing I’ve observed is how thin the perceptive line tends to be between humility, competitive struggle, and boastfulness.

This isnt super on topic, but it’s the tail end and I don’t meet the word requirements.

But in conversation, there’s this connective sweet spot. Too much talk about failure and insecurity makes it appear as if you’re seeking pity or trying to outdo someone else’s hard times. Psychologically speaking, at least for me, I want to wear strife as a badge of honor that I deserve what I’ve achieved. But it also can turn into overcompensation, thinking if I didn’t struggle as much as someone else I’m not as worthy. It becomes a battle of ‘who had it worse’ instead of just sharing our truth.

It’s really all about eliminating as much need for outside validation as possible, because you can succeed in every way you ever dreamed and never be enough for everyone. Donald Glover is a perfect example of someone firing on all possible cylinders but he still has his detractors.

The lead causes of the limbo in my life are being too afraid to fail and too reliant on validation from other people to feel faux fulfillment from my success. I’m learning to love the butterflies and risk being seen as foolish. A realm of unlimited failure exists outside that comfort zone and it’s only when we choose not to explore it we begin to feel stagnant and unfulfilled. Because often, success is only achieved through the lessons failure teaches.

Special thanks to Madeline Faye Potter for the beautiful cover photo! You can book her for your own session at www.madelinefayephotography.com