Why Do Some People Run from One Relationship to Another?

Probably each of us has met a person, male or female, who has never had a "serious" and long-term relationship, who goes from one relationship to another with lightning speed, who changes partners "like socks." If you have known such a person, you know that just saying that "some are superficial and fluffy" is an insufficient explanation and not always appropriate.

Why are some people emotionally unstable, why are they seem unable to maintain a long-term relationship or evolve into a serious one? Of course, some people don't want to get involved, they want to have fun, to experiment, not to take things too seriously.

But this is not always the case. There are people who, although they fall in love, even though they would like a relationship, cannot maintain it, running away from the first obstacle or the first temptation. Or who always says "it doesn't work"

Why do some run "from flower to flower"?

Emotional instability, the tendency to move quickly from one relationship to another, can be explained by two main causes.

The first would be "addiction to being in love." We all know how wonderful it is when you fall in love when you live the first moments with the person who conquered you. That first period of a relationship is the most intense from an emotional point of view, it is passionate and romantic. Exploring the other is a real adventure.

Attraction, impatience, enthusiasm, fear, desire, sometimes even sadness, maybe even anger: so many overwhelming emotions!

But we also know that this cocktail of intense emotions is the effect of the play of hormones secreted by the brain. Once you get used to the stimuli, once the novelty turns into a habit, the hormones subside. What remains is the attachment that may or may not has been created between the two.

The love between two partners who have been together for years is not similar to that between two lovers who have known each other for several months. In the first case, we are talking about genuine feelings, based on knowledge, respect, attachment, feelings that have grown over time. In the second case, it is intense emotions, but which remain smoke once the flame burns.

When psychologists say that "love lasts 1 year / 2 years / 3 years" (or a few months), they are talking about this love. It perishes or turns into a much stronger, more real, though softer, love.

The problem is that some people always want to experience those intense emotions, always looking to feel intense, to feel that they are alive (as there are people who are always looking for other kinds of adventures that offer adrenaline).

Some even believe that the emotions of the love stage truly love and they always remain disappointed when they fade. And then, they start looking for a new love, a new experience that will give them the much-desired sensations…

The second cause of emotional instability is the fear of commitment. There has been a lot of talk about this fear of involvement that some people feel. The fear of commitment is generally born of the refusal of responsibilities, of obligations, but also of the fear of rejection (if you get involved, you are vulnerable, you may end up being abandoned).

They fall in love, start a relationship, but when they are asked to move on, they turn around and run away. Their excuse is that they do not want to be "bound" and do not want obligations, but behind them, there is often a fear, a distrust (in relationships, in oneself, in the other).

Let's not forget what psychologists call "resistance to change": most people are afraid of big changes in their lives, even when it comes to changes that would be good; the idea that your life suddenly changes does not attract many, and getting involved in a serious relationship brings some changes.

Some people do not know what they are looking for and what they want; they fall in love easily and "fall out of love" even more easily. They are crazy about someone today so tomorrow they will "stain" someone else. Often because they have not yet found the right person, or because they are not yet ready for everything that a real relationship entails.