Who am I?

I’m in a crowd of people, all I hear is noise surrounding me. Words echo like rolling thunder. Facial expression are vast like waves in the ocean. Im battling to drown out the chaos. This is me, and this is what daily life looks like for me. I am a woman, daughter, sister, mother, partner, friend, confidant, and every single title a woman can carry in a world that we need to be identified in with a word. Do I know who I am? Do these words that describe me, make me who I am? Or do the opinions and perception of others and maybe one. Make me who I am?

How do people’s opinions dictate who we think we are or make us question who we are? Most of us put on a tough face, and use it as a shield. As if it protects us and blocks us. Allowing us to feel as if it doesn’t bother us, and tell ourselves opinions don’t matter. Most of us will even boldly speak it out loud that we are unaffected by others opinions.

We live in a time where we are more free than ever to speak our minds and tell ourselves that we are validated in how we feel and it’s a right. So we may speak freely and openly hoping not to offend or hurt anyone. Although the intention may be good, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt someone, or change how they will perceive themselves. In the midst of the right to speak your mind with validation. Where do we take a step back and re-think the words that are conjuring up in our minds? Our opinions.

From the time we are born. We are subjected to opinions. They are subjective and hold authority over one. If a person allows the validity of it to penetrate their way of thinking.

In my current relationship. I constantly hear negative comments about myself. Its a case of damn if you and damn if you don’t. Is where I stand. I only have one handful of people I call friends. The ones I do have, have been friends of mine for 32 years. I would imagine that in 32 years of friendship you would know someone. Their character traits, likes and dislikes, deep secrets. Ones we keep amongst ourselves and when we make time to hang out. We reminisce of the good ol’ days. Seasons change, people change and we move with the times. But those friends, they know you, as well as your mom does. Well maybe they know you a little better… So when a person who has known me for 25 years and for 20 of those, have been in a relationship. I would expect you would know me as well. So when I hear statements of “ you are fake” and “ everyone around you lies to you” “I know who you really are” I can’t help but to be offended by the remarks. My rebuttal is… I am not responsible for your faulty perception of me. I remind myself opinions are just that. “Opinions” and not facts. I will not lie and say it doesn’t hurt. It stings more and more every single time, anger arises and the tongue lashings begin. They cut so deep. They cut deeper when it comes from a person you believe you love. And we all hear it. “Love isn’t suppose to hurt” that is correct to a point. And then we realize that without hurt, where do we learn from our mistakes. How do we grow? How do we know, not to repeat the same mistake? Its human nature to judge, even if it’s quietly. So the opinions I receive from my “partner” feels like judgement. And it’s not silent.

My take away from this harshness that I subject myself to. Is that in the end. Opinions are just that. Not facts of one’s character. Not who I truly am. I am still learning who I am. So there is no way, any human being can tell me or convince me of who I am. So to anyone who has been subjected to harsh opinions. And not constructive criticism where the person throwing their opinions at you, leave no room for growth. Always remember you are enough, you are stronger than you realize. There is no validation in someone’s opinion unless you validate it. We are not perfect, we are all growing and adapting with every seasonal change. What we or anyone feels today will change tomorrow.

Yours truly,

Unvalidated opinion