When Your Ex Dies

So a few months ago I got news that I was expecting about any one but the person that I got it about, if that makes sense. My ex-boyfriend had died too young. He wasn't taking care of himself, and well, just died. When it came to my ex-boyfriends dying I was sure one of my older ones would die first of old age in a few years, or that there would be a tragic accident with a few of them who have not made the best decisions. When it came to this ex-boyfriend, he told me he had changed his ways and that he was doing better, but of course he could have been lying, and this was a year before his death. I actually found out about his death on Facebook, because I was still friends with his roommate. He then asked me to call him so we could talk about it. Of course we talked and dealt with it the only way we knew how.

So I never experienced this before, that's why I decided to write this post. I wanted other people to know they're not alone, and it's fine to deal with this in your own way. Here's what I learned.

It is ok to feel sad and grieve. Yes this is your ex and you probably hate them, but honestly, there may be a part of you that still cares about them. I cried a little when I found out about my ex. He was this guy that I wasn't looking for, but he was good for a time, then things happened and I didn't like who he had become. I was still sad and I still mourned him.

People may not remember you even being with this person. This actually happened to me with my ex. My grandma couldn't remember which of my exes this particular one was; she kept mixing him up with the guy I dated before the one who died.

It may bring you closer to mutual friends that you guys had, or may make you drift apart. With my mutual friend with my ex, it brought us closer. I think he saw that what I was saying about the ex was true. He also saw that I was different than the ex. It is ok to drift from them, and it is ok not to have mutual friends with the ex.

It's ok not to go to the funeral; no one expects you to. Going to the funeral is your choice, you don't have to if you don't want to. You don't have to. I didn't think it was needed or appropriate.

It's ok not to feel anything and not to mourn. After my moment of grief I moved on and didn't grieve anymore after that. It's ok to just think about what they did wrong and be angry. The mutual friend and I talked about what my ex did wrong to both of us, we also made jokes and comments about who he was, and the circumstances around his death.

It is ok to blame them for stuff including their own death. I certainly blamed my ex for a lot of things including his death. His death wasn't a surprise to a lot of people, a lot of them felt guilty for not being surprised about him passing away. I knew his death was coming, but since he told me he was losing weight I thought he was buying himself some time. Maybe the time that he did have was the time that he bought, who knows.

I hope this post was helpful. I knew it was dark, but I still hope you got something out of it.