When Love Doesn’t Last Forever

I didn’t mean to meet you and fall in love. It wasn’t part of my life plan.

Yet, there you were, out of nowhere, changing everything. You cracked open my heart and received all my love.

You broke through my awakening soul and brought out the sleeping lioness. I poured into you all the love I held within.

You promised me the world and a future by your side.

I should be furious with you for ruining me so beautifully with every thought, word, and touch. Within your love, I desired a forever I had long ago abandoned.

The kindness and love in your eyes reminded me as you promised a life with me and to never leave… you only meant every word in each moment.

And I believed you.

Even though I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you, I let you in. You cracked open those dark slivers of my heart and helped me, peer, into the mirror of my soul, uncovering the parts of myself needing to be examined and helped me learn how to embrace beauty I had overlooked.

I found myself in your eyes.

And within the mirror of my soul, you discovered glimpses of who you are. I knew, and did not accept the truth…

You were not my forever love. You were my right now and my every moment.

You were my peace and chaos, my stormy lover, and my calm shores.

Choices made would not allow us to have a future together, but my heart longed for all that and more.

The holes in my soul were filled for a time by our intense passion and undeniable connection.

With love came heartbreak. I longed for our fantasy to become reality. I wanted a real-life together you would not fully give, even as you promised you wanted that, too.

My soul broke as I discovered there was no place for me in your life. The fire inside me burned out while agony sheared my heart into a bleeding mess.

For to love you, I hurt myself.

The pain awakened me to parts of myself I had not yet discovered. I uncovered the ways I did not show up for myself and the holes in my heart I had left to heal.

And soon, I began to breathe again.

I remembered. I stood. I started over.

I saw you with the eyes of someone who has been resurrected. My craving desire collided with a mixture of gratitude for the lessons.

For you were my teacher. Our love showed me how to create a new life from my scars.

I learned to hold myself. I learned how to recognize the strength in pain, so I could put the pieces of my life together with the way I choose.

You encouraged me to bleed onto the page all the pain, the fear, the love, and the joy. My muse.

Thank you for the laughter, the lessons, and for every moment.

You have been more to me than words on the pages of my life. You have been an imprint on my soul, a defining point on the line of my existence.

You were my lover and my friend, a part of my becoming, and a pivotal point in my journey.

The most important lesson I discovered is amazing things in life do not come as planned.

They arrive when we least expect and awaken us into a new way of being.

For real love, whether it is experienced for a moment or a lifetime, helps us uncover the many layers of who we truly are and always leads us back to ourselves.

*This piece was originally published by the author on Medium.