When Love Blinds You, Red Flags Look Like Roses

All of us, when we go into a connection, keep asking one thing: What are the red flags that I should be looking out for?

And there are so many nuances to it. There are even many different kinds of opinions available on what red flags you should be watching out for early in a relationship.

If you have found yourself in a position where you are struggling to identify whether the connection or relationship you are in is showing signs of red flags, or if you constantly have a history of indulging with people who are not good for you, finding yourself in toxic relationships, or being with emotionally unavailable people, then this article is for you.

Why Recognizing Red Flags is Important

When you start dating someone or getting to know them, it's very normal to have some level of ambiguity in the connection. It's not that from day one, you know each other completely. It takes time for relationships and bonds to develop. 

However, if you have all the tools in your hands - if you know what to watch out for - you can move on quickly and decide whether this person is right for you. That just makes the whole process of dating and finding a relationship easier because, at the end of the day, none of us want to get hurt. None of us want to be stuck with someone who is not good for us.

So, these are some red flags you should be watching out for early in a connection or relationship.

Red Flag #1: They Are Not Investing in You

If you are dating someone who ignores your texts or is not putting in the effort to get to know you, ask you questions, or learn about your life in general, these are signs that they might not be into you. 

They might not be emotionally invested, and it's crucial for both people to invest in each other and show interest early on. But think about it this way: Are you the one reaching out more often while they rarely take the initiative?

Now, there are nuances depending on whether you are a man or a woman in this situation. Personally, I love it when women ask me out on dates or initiate plans because it's a sign of healthy relationship to me when a women takes the initiative. 

But that is not to say that I won't show interest in someone who is showing interest in me. If they plan something for us, I will appreciate and reciprocate that effort.

The Importance of Mutual Effort in Relationships

Let's say you are a few months into seeing this person, and they are showing no signs of having a conversation about what you two are. That's a big red flag. 

They are probably not as invested in the future of the connection as you are. Often, these people appear too busy, have a lot going on in their lives, or keep making excuses.

Over time, they may become inconsistent in their efforts and actions. You might even notice a lack of alignment between their words and actions - what they promise versus what they deliver. 

If you are facing this in your connection, the biggest trap you can fall into is the self-worth and self-esteem trap, where you start questioning yourself: Am I not good enough for this person? or What is inherently wrong with me?

You need to put an end to that and decide: This is not something I am willing to tolerate anymore. When dating someone, you must have clear boundaries about what you want from the connection and when it's time to end it if it's not going in the direction you desire.

Of course, this is after you have tried to communicate with this person. But if they still show no willingness to have that conversation, that's a clear sign they are not emotionally invested. You must reach a place where you are not anxiously relying on them.

Stop putting your self-esteem and self-worth in the hands of someone you barely know. Understand that how people behave and show up in your life is simply a reflection of who they are.

What is a relationship?

A person sees you, understands you, and then chooses you. But if they are not choosing you and not saying, This is my person, then the connection lacks the most beautiful aspect of what makes a relationship work.

This forms the foundation for a relationship to be built on. Stop trying so hard to make someone like you or to force a connection that is not meant to work.

It's also possible that they don't want a deep connection with you but still want to keep you around. Stop letting people use you or keep you as a backup option. Maybe they just want a texting buddy - so stop indulging in these behaviors that diminish your self-worth and self-esteem.

Don't stretch yourself for shallow people or shallow connections. You have to know when to put an end to it.

Red Flag #2: You Start Questioning Their Character

If questions like Is this person actually good or bad? Are they kind or unkind? start creeping into your mind, that's a sign you should run in the other direction. Why would these thoughts even arise if the person in front of you wasn't showing character flaws?

If you find yourself reaching out to friends for their honest opinion on this person's behavior, that's another clear sign that they may not be right for you.

Red Flag #3: You Feel Like You're Walking on Eggshells

This is a huge red flag. If you feel like you must tiptoe around their emotions, you might be unconsciously recreating a dynamic from your childhood - perhaps with a parent or caregiver.

In such cases, your unconscious mind may have chosen this person to prove that love is difficult and must be earned. This is a dangerous trap because it places your self-worth in someone else's hands.

If you are afraid of their emotional reactions when you communicate your needs, that's another warning sign. Healthy communication should never be met with manipulation or gaslighting. If they blame you for simply expressing your feelings, that's a deal breaker.

Red Flag #4: They Avoid Honest Communication

Communication is hard for many people, often due to childhood experiences. However, a healthy connection requires willingness. Even if someone struggles with communication, they should at least try. If they refuse, that's a major red flag.

Red Flag #5: You Get "The Ick" Too Quickly

This red flag is about you more than them. If small, insignificant things - how they hold a glass, what they wear - cause you to lose attraction quickly, you may be self-sabotaging.

Unconsciously, your brain might be protecting you from potential heartbreak by rejecting people prematurely. However, not every relationship starts with intense passion. In fact, healthy relationships often begin calmly.

Red Flag #6: You Hide the Relationship from Others

If you're afraid to tell your loved ones about this person, deep down, you likely know something isn't right. Fear of loneliness might be making you hold on to a dysfunctional or even toxic relationship. If this sounds familiar, please walk away before it damages your self-worth.

Red Flag #7: You Have Unrealistically High Standards

Nobody is perfect. If you expect perfection in a partner while failing to ask yourself whether you are perfect, you might be self-sabotaging out of fear of getting hurt.

One of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever heard is to write down all the qualities you want in a partner - then work on embodying those qualities yourself.

You attract people who match your energy. If you are healing and growing, you'll naturally draw in healthier connections.

Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself and Your Worth

A bird doesn't land on a branch wondering if it will break - it trusts its ability to fly if needed. Similarly, don't overanalyze relationships to the point of self-sabotage. Be present, enjoy the connection, but trust yourself to walk away if necessary.

I hope this article was helpful to you.

Thanks for Reading!