When Being Too Good Becomes a Burden

SOMETIMES I FEAR GOOD PEOPLE

I have a close friend who married into a truly good family. Not just the kind that's sweet on the surface, but genuinely good, as they’ve always been since the beginning. Her husband takes care of the family, looks after the children, and worries about even the smallest things. When she gave birth, her mother-in-law stayed with her and took care of her so attentively that the hospital staff mistook her for her biological mother. The mother-in-law took care of her daughter-in-law with even more worry and devotion than if her own mother were there. To make life easier, she and her husband built a house on her in-laws' land, right at the front, turning it into a small convenience store. Their financial situation was stable, their lives peaceful, and everyone said she was lucky and had it all.

But no. Her in-laws and husband were too good, so they extended their kindness to others as well. All their property, land, and assets were used as collateral for her husband's older sister to borrow for business, and they didn't even tell her. Her husband trusted his sister, lending all their household assets, and even borrowed small amounts from friends. In total, it reached over a billion VND. From a family that once had everything, they suddenly found themselves with a huge debt to carry.

She was shocked and devastated. When she asked why, all her husband could do was apologize through his tears. It was simply because he trusted his sister too much.

Everything fell apart on a rainy and stormy afternoon. Her father-in-law, unable to bear the shock, collapsed, lost consciousness, and became bedridden. Her mother-in-law faced the scorn of the entire extended family because her daughter owed money to practically everyone in the village. At over sixty years old, her mother-in-law had to take on odd jobs, earning just a few coins, and meals consisted of vegetables and eggplants from their garden. Her husband worked tirelessly during the day and then drove Grab at night to gather money to repay the debt.

She pitied them. Thinking of the good times they had in the past, she couldn't bear to leave. So she quietly went back to work, earning extra money to help her husband. She continued cooking meals, making sure to bring meat and fish for her in-laws to eat. When I met her, she looked emaciated and hollow-eyed, her face gloomy. She confided to me:

"Sis, should I go abroad for a few years to earn more money and pay off the debt?"

I sighed and didn’t know how to respond. Should I tell her to let it go, that whoever owes should pay? Maybe if her in-laws were a bit worse or treated her unfairly, she wouldn't be so burdened. Yesterday, she sent me a brief message:

"Sis, they've filed a lawsuit to reclaim the house. I think me and the two kids will end up on the street..."

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One of my distant relatives is also a good person. So good that she lent out all of her retirement savings to friends and can't get it back. But when they bring her some small gifts or vegetables from their garden, she feels at ease. She says:

"That person is so kind; they really want to pay me back, but they just can’t. They were also tricked."

Hearing this, I can only shake my head in dismay. I wonder, if she had anything left, would it soon disappear due to her generosity too? While she has no debt, she also no longer has a pension. Who will step in to handle bigger matters when they arise?

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I remember the show Reply 1988. The character I disliked the most was DukSun's father (not the actor, just the character). To me, he wasn't a good person, just someone who was "obsessed with doing good." Because he was so obsessed, he borrowed money for others, putting his own family in a situation where they had to scrimp and save. But even that wasn’t enough. He traded his children's meals and eggs for his passion for charity.

The people I just mentioned may seem distant and unfamiliar, and perhaps you’ll think I’m making this up, that it's just a story from a movie. But no, there are many good people around us. And people who are too good aren't rare either. So good that their loved ones have to carry the burden along with them.

In life, no one is without mistakes. Everyone is navigating parenthood for the first time. But if you have children, please consider how your actions might affect them before making decisions. Doing good in moderation is also a way to be virtuous, isn't it?

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