What to say to someone opening up to you

I explained each principle behind the suggestion very in depth because I want YOU to take SOMETHING out of this and make it your own, not taking this from me.

Scroll to the bottom for a simple picture to keep on your phone of what i suggested here.

Don't worry though, if you find the long paragraphs tedious. I will repeat many of these principles again in my upcoming posts. xx

You have no idea how many people, including myself, I see making big mistakes in conversations with someone close, especially when one party chooses to open up about their issues. The inability to communicate effectively pulls two people apart and could leave a mark in one of them creating fear to open up again with anyone at all because of the fear of not being understood. Even if the connection still remains, on the subconscious level, the distance can likely be felt by both parties.

SO, if you want to improve your friendships, relationships, family..ship, then look through all these things you can say in response to someone who so humbly chooses you to shoot a shot with!

1. “I’m all ears.”

Alright so this is how you can use this sentence.

Someone comes up to you and say

“Becky, I really need someone to talk to.”

All you really have to say is

“Sure! What is it? I’m all ears!”or “sure, im here to listen”, and maybe a little pat on the shoulder and a big smile on your face.

The worst thing you can do when someone tries to open up to you is to make them feel even worse than they already do, so ultimately, what you want to do is to make them feel welcomed. This does exactly just that.

By saying this, you immediately create a SAFE ZONE for the person to spill their guts out.

Sometimes, all a person wants is to feel HEARD.

2. “ hmmm ohhh”

uh, don’t text this. This is not exactly something to say, rather a reminder on the correct MICRO-REACTIONS to make them feel comfortable and understood.

What I’m trying to say really is, don’t just nod.

If you do nod, do it with VARIETY. No, don’t shake your head in 4 different directions, leave that for hip hop class.

Incorporate natural facial expressions, or verbal ones, hence the ohhh and hmm. You don’t have to force it, simply let yourself react NATURALLY. Raise your eyebrows, smile, make some noise (don’t turn this into a sexual joke please). Look them in the eyes like they’re the only one in the room.

All these mini gestures show that you are not even just listening, but also processing what the other person is saying. It reassures them of their value and pushes them to say all that they really want without feeling guilty about it.

Besides, sometimes we all get lost in the middle of someone telling a long story. Especially if the other person is not that great of a story teller or is confusing. Doing this helps us to stay on track too, because it’s as if our whole body is listening to that person all together.

3. “ I think, though you don’t have to agree with me…”

This is for those of you who has an opinion for literally anything, which is a good thing by the way. Your girl here values diversity in opinions just as long as it’s being expressed respectfully.

This phrase is one of those that probably won't have an immediate effect on everyone conciously, but something to look back on when they review your connection.

By the way, say this at the END of their rant. Don’t interrupt someone, let them finish, especially if they’re ranting. Let them puke out (sorry for the disturbing visuals) those built-up emotions before you get into working on the problem WITH them.

In giving advice while emphasizing that the other person does not have to agree with you, you achieve 3 things.

A, the other person feels RESPECTED for having their own opinions, feelings and power over their own life.

B, it helps to put them in the right mindset that this is how they should be treated in life. Valued and respected. That no one should tell them what to do, they should dominate their own life.

C, it keeps them from fearing to open up again. If we do so happen to accidentally make them feel a little bit worse or less hopeful about the situation after we’ve given our opinion, which we SHOULD, by the way, TRY TO AVOID. Saying this help them to detach from the emotional effect of what you have to say (should it be something not very positive) and realize that it’s just an opinion from a different perspective, so they don’t necessarily have to refrain from opening up in the future because they are subconsciously worried about feeling even worse afterwards. They may even open up more because they would want to have your take on it.

4. “ I don’t think I know how to help you, but I am here for you. (for a boost) – no matter what.”

The best thing to compliment this would be a hug, it would make things less awkward as it takes them for them to soak in the kindness and also to ultra boost the good feeling.

Obviously, this would be great for a person who doesn’t give good advice, is not innovative with their advice an/or only gives ‘just be yourself’ advice to others.. which is not helpful AT ALL by the way. I mean, think about it , how many times have you heard of the words ‘ be yourself’ and felt totally inspired to venture out in your most authentic form as a homosapien? NOnE. Exactly.

*If you really wish for the other person to be more themselves instead trying to be someone else, it’d be better to define “be yourself” and give them reminders such as to not people please, to validate their own emotions, to not be scared to express themselves cause someone will appreciate their uniqueness over fakeness.. etc. I’ll have to get into this topic in another post or video.*

This saying would be very applicable too, if the other person is someone who doesn’t take opinions well, is completely drowned by their emotions, or you feel the topic is not something you should give advice on in general.

Afterall, remember, you are an outsider and whatever advice you give may not be 100% depending on how transparent the other person is being. Also depending on how much they let their emotions get into their heads hence distorting the story line by taking sides.

So sometimes the best thing to do is just to stay quiet and be present.

5. “I’m glad you trust me with your situation”

As much as I sometimes screw up one or two of the steps on this list, this is one I never miss out on. Trust me, it really causes people to be more willing to open up to me.

Expressing GENUINE GRATITUDE is one of the easiest ways to make a person, or yourself, feel great and pull them closer to you as they feel APPRECIATED.

This reassures the other person that they CAN TRUST you with what they have to say and also sends some good energy down their spine which would make them feel more COMFORTABLE to come back to this space with you in the future.

This is something really important to say to especially kind hearted people who are AFRAID that by telling you their problems they are dragging you into their wormhole. It proves that you take something good out of it too and theres no need for them to have such fear because really, a decently HEALTHY connection consists of two people being honest and solving the puzzles of life TOGETHER.

6. “Well, I have faith in you and you should too.”

This will definitely make them go AWHHH.

This is like another alternative saying for when you’re out of ideas, except it’s a 100 TIMES better than telling them you’re there for them.

You’re saying I HAVE FAITH in YOU. You don’t only trust that they will come out of their situation, you BELIEVE, almost as if in blind faith, in their ability to do so.

Even better, you’re suggesting that they SHOULD TOO! This says, underneath the surface that, even if they don’t believe they can, you do believe it and you will still be until they uncover their power within themselves.

I believe in the importance of reminding people of their own powers a lot because everyone really should be awakened to the idea of their own ability to do just about anything they want. instead of trying to find the force in their external environment.

7. “its funny cause you know, I’ve been through something just like that..”

If you really do have an experience of your own to share that may relate to any element of whatever the other person is telling you, this one sentence will literally LIGHT THEIR FACE UP.

What do we value as humans? Acceptance, understanding, equality…

In sharing your own experience, you are choosing to be vunerable with the other person as much as they are.

Sometimes people fear opening up because they are scared of how you will see them after you finally see that part of them that they themselves don’t like so much. It’s like they’re taking off their clothes for you to see. As confident as the person could be, there would likely still be a small bit of them that fears judgement, especially if you are someone they value a lot.

In doing this you are indirectly telling them that you’re human too, that you have been through similar things too, that perhaps you’re also flawed or has had negative things happen to you.

You may also utilize this to give subtle but influential advice, which is what I try to do most of the time.

Instead of DIRECTLY advicing them, tell them how you REACTED to the situation or got out of it. That way, in seeing how your situation turned out, they can form their own advice.

Once again, say this only after the person has finished what they’re saying. Respect them first.

8. “ I KNOW you will come out (of it) just fine, if not, even a better person”

First, again, Know is a much stronger word than I think or I hope or I believe.. whatever it is. It shows that you have absolute faith in the power of the other person.

DON’T use ‘ don’t worry, everything will be fine’. Just like “be yourself”, it’s overrated and well, useless. It makes you sound like you didn’t even pay attention and only said that to slightly make them feel better by pretending that you did.

The most important part in this phrase is to REMIND them that they CAN AND SHOULD make the decision to turn whatever is going on around them, into something that serves them, and not let it drag them down or into this spiral of negative thoughts and beliefs about how ‘evil’ the world is.

9. “if you ever need someone again, just ring me/ I’m just a phone call away (for the girls or cheesier lads)”

Say this at the very end of the whole conversation and I GUARANTEE YOU, it will have an extra OOMPH effect.

What goes on in the other person’s head would be something like; “ Wow, Becky is such a supportive and kind person. I feel so loved. I shouldn’t fear opening up to her anymore since she is so willing to be here for me.’

Extra tip 10: Not a saying but, give them a little comforting pat on the head, hand, back..

Physical touch (no, not the sexual way, at least not in this situation) really brings a person closer to you and take away the awkwardness. It makes them so much more comfortable and doing small comforting gestures like what I mentioned above, will appeal subconsciously to the other person’s inner child heart.

This method can also be implemented more subtly by just sitting closer to the person or leaning in more when they’re explaining to you the situation. It shows that you are trying to actively participate. It will make them want to talk more and openly.

Things to keep in mind

When someone chooses to open up to you, they are primarily taking A RISK. A LOT BIGGER than you think.

They are risking

- what they likely don’t want others to know, to be shared with you, a human with the ability to communicate and sometimes the urge to gossip under social influence.

- the possibility of you changing the way you see them after they ‘expose’ that side of themselves.

And – most importantly, basically the entirety of your connection, if you really don’t end up taking it well.

So, be thankful that someone chooses to believe in you. That someone values you so much that they are willing to go against their fears.

Also, another VERY important thing to keep in mind. As much as open and honest conversations like this is a good thing, you are NOT obliged to handle other peoples’ problems.

As much as you’re paying attention to how the other person is feeling, I want you to pay attention TO YOURSELF as well.

Sometimes, without us even noticing, we take on the energy or feelings of another person by always being the GIVER instead of occasionally the RECEIVER and end up crumbling down because of how much we have bottled up.

Remember, you’re human too, you deserve as much love and attention as you’re willing to give out. CHOOSE to give yourself that love and attention.

SETTING BOUNDARIES to PROTECT YOURSELF REASONABLY is NOT something to feel guilty about, in fact, it should be appreciated. I will talk more about this soon.

Rule of thumb

The key to having great heartfelt interactions with others is to imagine yourself in place of them and how you would like the other person to make you feel. Having genuine connections become much easier once you start thinking like that.

The suggestions I gave you above are just guidelines of what you can say. It’ll be even more effective if you made them your own by altering them according to how you understand the other person to be, what they value most, and how they like to be treated.

A last couple of words that I’d like you to remember from now on. IF you do end up screwing up and unintentionally making someone feel bad worse, KNOW that it is NOT your fault. Don’t yourself accountable for how another person choose to react to something you’ve said, especially when you have actually tried to be better at it.

Remember that as much as you should be careful of your words, the other person should also be more aware of their own emotions. It should be an equal give and take situation. No one is to blame here.

That’s all I have to say for today.

Should you have any questions or things you have to say, email me at [email protected] or DM me at @chloeychiu on Instagram. I’ll be there for you..

Am I using my own techniques? Hmm maybe..

As promised! save this on your phone right now-