What To Expect When You're Not Expecting It.

I would like to preface this story by saying; friends, family, work colleagues, strangers on the subway, corner bodega man with his cat, and to all whom it may concern, I AM okay. "But are you really?" "It's okay not to be fine" "What a shame...you were such a beautiful couple!"...and a little bit louder for the people in the back, I AM FINE.

For all that don't yet know or have not caught my drift, I have recently gotten out of a four year relationship. It almost feels wrong to use the phrase "gotten out" because it feels like I'm implying to be escaping from something. I left? I slowly backed away into the ether? No words seem to be the right ones when it comes to describing leaving behind the person you have spent ages 19 to almost 23 with. For the longest time I felt as though that relationship and partner defined me. What would I do without the person that shaped me in my early formative years of adulthood? Who would I become? I wasn't ready to answer those questions for most of the relationship...until I didn't have a choice. Within days I had broken up with my ex, gotten a promotion, and was now facing having to move to NYC on my own.

Which NOW brings me to my ~ A Clueless 22 Year Old's Not So Helpful Guide To Moving To NYC ~ or as I like to call it, HELP.

1. Finding a place to live:

This is the time to PANIC. As someone who had luckily spent the last 4 years on and off in NYC, I kind of had an idea of the location I wanted to stay near. Not only to maximize the distance between my ex and I, but also to make my commute and rough introduction to NYC's subway system as seamless as possible. This brought me to the Upper West Side. Now before you say anything, there are some ~ cool ~ cats that live around here...meow.

Apartment hunting is hard and if I can give at least once useful piece of advice in this ramble it's, DO NOT trust pictures. That spacious studio you've fallen in love with on Zillow? I can guarantee you it's half the size in a 120-year-old 6th floor walkup.

So kick on your best walking shoes, pack some tissues for your eventual breakdown when you realize how much you'll be paying for a glamorized closet, and LET'S GET TO SOME OPEN HOUSES!

2. Move in day:

Once you have found your very own Harry Potter cupboard to make your ~ home ~ you'll have to move in. Now something that NOBODY, okay maybe some people, told me was to maybe NOT move on a holiday weekend when everyone would be out of town.

Side-note: fastest way to realize being an adult is fucking expensive is by buying furniture.

So you're all alone. No friends. No family. About 20 packages blocking your building's entrance.

But you're doing it! You haul your 20 150lb packages to the 6th floor in a 1.5 person elevator and make it through the never ending hallway to your front door. Do you want to spend the next 3 days not sleeping, building furniture, and living off Doritos and Coca Cola? or do you not want to be me?. Get help. Yes, you can probably do it on your own. Yes, you're a strong independent man/woman. But GET HELP.

Lesson #1 I've learned in NYC so far is: Just because you can do it on your own doesn't mean that you HAVE to do it on your own. Ask for help. Make friends. Rely on your support system.

3. The Aftermath:

It is exactly a week to the date that I have moved into my tiny gal studio on the Upper West Side. Writing this now and reflecting on my week so far has made me realize that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Nobody does. New York City is NOT like the movies. My life here is not and will never be a fairytale. The city is expensive, loud, it smells, people can be rude, and you will see the eventual rat. I will not spend my days frolicking in Central Park, I will not look insta worthy walking down the street, and I will not spend my weekends brunching with friends. The reality of NYC, my reality of NYC, is commuting ~ 45 minutes to work every morning, working, returning home, feeding myself, and crawling into bed. Yes, I will have fun, I will attend Happy Hours, I will make my life here. I would be kidding myself if I thought even for a split second this city would be easy, but damn is it worth it.

So, my last piece of advice for a 20 something who suddenly finds themselves in an unfamiliar place in life is: Life will always come. Roll with the punches, figure it out, and surround yourself with good people.

And if you're the good people: Check up on your friends who live alone.