What Should You Do When You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You?

What Should You Do When You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You?

It’s a feeling that cuts deep — loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Whether it’s a close friend, a crush, or even a long-term partner who has fallen out of love, the pain of unrequited love can be overwhelming. It may leave you feeling rejected, inadequate, or stuck in a loop of what-ifs. But while the heartache is real, healing is possible — and so is growth.

In this article, we’ll explore what to do when you find yourself in this emotionally difficult situation. With insight from psychological studies, expert commentary, and practical advice, you'll gain the tools to process your feelings, prioritize your well-being, and move forward with hope.

The Story of Riya: A Fictional Yet Familiar Tale

Riya, a 22-year-old university student, had been in love with her best friend Arjun for three years. They studied together, shared secrets, and supported each other through personal challenges. One day, Riya gathered the courage to express her feelings. But Arjun, though kind and gentle in his response, didn’t feel the same way. He saw her only as a friend.

For weeks, Riya replayed the conversation in her head. She felt embarrassed, rejected, and wondered if she had ruined their friendship forever.

Her story is fictional — but the emotions are very real for many people. So what should you do when you love someone who doesn’t love you?

Understanding the Psychology of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love, defined as one-sided romantic attraction, is more common than we might think. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that such experiences are particularly frequent among adolescents and young adults. They often result in emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy.

According to Brené Brown, a research professor known for her work on vulnerability and connection, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” But vulnerability also comes with risk — especially when your love is not returned.

Psychologists suggest that unrequited love can feel like grief. You're mourning the loss of a relationship that never really existed the way you hoped it would. This emotional pain is valid and should not be dismissed or minimized.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Emotions Without Judgment

The first step in healing is acceptance. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling — sadness, frustration, embarrassment, even anger. Suppressing emotions or pretending they don’t exist can lead to unresolved issues later.

As Dr. Guy Winch, psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid, points out:

“Just as we need to tend to our physical wounds, we need to address our emotional injuries with care and compassion.”

Writing in a journal, speaking to a therapist, or simply talking to a trusted friend can help you sort through these emotions in a healthy way.

Step 2: Don’t Take It Personally

When someone doesn’t return your love, it’s easy to question your worth. But love is complex. People are drawn to others for all sorts of reasons — timing, emotional readiness, life goals, or even personal history. Their inability to reciprocate your feelings is not a reflection of your value as a person.

Psychology Today emphasizes that romantic rejection often says more about the other person's emotional space than about your desirability. Rejection does not equal failure.

Step 3: Create Healthy Emotional Distance

Even if the person is still in your life (like a classmate, coworker, or mutual friend), it may be helpful to take a step back. Emotional distance helps your brain break the attachment cycle and process the situation more clearly.

You don’t have to ghost them or be cold, but you can set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. This might mean reducing the frequency of communication, declining certain meetups, or muting them on social media temporarily.

This space is not about punishment — it's about healing.

Step 4: Focus on Self-Worth and Self-Growth

Loving someone who doesn’t love you can make you feel like you’re “not enough.” But instead of letting this narrative take over, turn inward.

Ask yourself:

What are your strengths?

What makes you unique and lovable?

What passions or goals can you now focus on?

Brené Brown writes,

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

Taking time to nurture your own growth — through hobbies, learning, fitness, or volunteering — can rebuild confidence and shift your focus from loss to opportunity.

Step 5: Consider Speaking with a Therapist

If your feelings are lingering or affecting your day-to-day life, therapy can be an invaluable resource. A licensed counselor can help you:

Understand emotional patterns

Reframe negative thoughts

Learn strategies for resilience

Mental health support isn't just for crisis moments — it's also for navigating personal challenges like unrequited love with greater clarity and compassion.

Step 6: Stay Open to New Relationships — When You're Ready

Letting go doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to “move on” right away or jump into another relationship. But as you heal, staying open to future connections is a healthy mindset.

Remember: the right person will love you fully and without condition. Love isn’t meant to be one-sided. Trust that in time, mutual love will find you.

What You Shouldn't Do

Sometimes, in pain, people resort to unhealthy responses. Avoid:

Obsessing or over-analyzing their behavior

Trying to “change” to earn their love

Manipulative behavior to win them over

Stalking their social media or comparing yourself to others

These behaviors keep you stuck and often deepen the emotional wound.

Real Talk: It’s Okay to Let Go

Letting go doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real — it just means you value yourself enough to move forward. Love is not something you can force or chase. And sometimes, the most powerful form of love is the one you show yourself when you walk away.

Conclusion: You Deserve Mutual Love

Unrequited love is painful, but it’s also a chance to grow. You’re not alone in feeling heartbroken — countless people have walked this path and come out stronger. By accepting your emotions, creating healthy boundaries, focusing on self-worth, and seeking support, you can reclaim your emotional well-being.

As Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, says:

“When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.”

You deserve love — not the kind that leaves you questioning your worth, but the kind that makes you feel seen, supported, and cherished.

Until that love finds you, take care of the most important relationship of all — the one you have with yourself.

Key Takeaways

Unrequited love is emotionally valid and can be deeply painful

Acknowledge and process your feelings without shame

Don’t internalize rejection — it’s not a reflection of your worth

Create healthy boundaries and emotional distance

Invest in self-worth and personal growth

Seek therapy if needed to navigate complex emotions

Let go with love and stay open to future connections

About us:

Michael B. Norris is a mental health writer and emotional wellness advocate with over a decade of experience covering topics like relationships, self-compassion, and resilience. He blends expert insights with relatable storytelling to support readers in distress