What's Going On With J. Delaney-Howe?

This piece will be slightly different from what I usually write, although there hasn't been much writing. I'm just going to share some things that have been going on in my life: things I am feeling and concerned about. There will be plenty of run-on sentences, and that's okay. This piece isn't for grammar technicality. I may bounce around a little bit, but it will always come together at the end. So, will this probably be a one-sided conversation? I don't know what it is, and it doesn't matter. This is my story of the last 6 months of my life, good and bad. So stick with me- this could be a good ride!

The Up Swing and a New Business

I have been very open about the loss of my mother and my auntie. Mark's mom passed away in June as well. All of this triggered a depressive episode. I am also very open about my bipolar disorder, and I have written a few pieces about the ups and downs of having bipolar disorder.

This depressive episode lasted, in some form or another, for over a year. My purpose for five months was to take care of my mom before she passed. I lived with my sister five days a week where my mother lived so we could let my mother be at home when she passed. After she passed, it was like I had no purpose. I had a hard time stepping back into my normal everyday life.

With hard work in therapy, lots of forcing myself to do everyday things, and a medication change, all helped to bring me out of it. I began to feel like myself again. During this time, I was reading on Vocal and staying active in our Facebook group Queer Vocal Voices, but I hadn't been writing much. Every time I would start, the words just wouldn't come. I tried forcing it, but what was coming out was shit, so I took a pause.

With my husband's support and encouragement, I decided to research soap making. It had been something I have always wanted to learn. So I ordered a couple of books. That same week, my best friend was at a garage sale and found many soap-making supplies. She picked them up for me; now, at least, I had a starting point. I would make a few bars at a time in small batches. I could buy my equipment and supplies gradually until I had a full soap shop. I had planned to take six months to get everything I would need. Apparently, the universe felt that six months was too long. Scrolling through the Facebook marketplace one day, I discovered something life-changing - an entire soap-making setup for sale. Equipment, supplies, raw materials, soap recipes, and soap molds. Finances fell into place, and I purchased it. A week later, I found another post on the marketplace selling soap fragrance oils and essential oils for hundreds less than buying them new. I purchased that as well. I was now ready to start a business. Southern Hills Soap and Candles was born. We are set up to ship to the lower 48 states. Maybe international in the future?

I won't bore you with all of the details of the paperwork and such to start a business. Maybe that will be a guide for another piece someday. But as of September 9th, my online store, Facebook business page, and first batches of soap were ready to go.

With Mark's help, we hit the ground running, and the business was highly successful right from the jump. We ended the year with strong sales and a business plan for the New Year.

The Election

As a gay married man with a trans son, I felt like I had a vested interest in the outcome of the election. With Project 2025 circulating and the far right's hate for people like me and my son, I was fearful of the outcome. If the candidate that I supported won, we would be safe. People like my trans son would be protected.

The other candidate won. It was like a bad nightmare.

(This isn't about politics, so I am not interested in any political discourse in the comments.)

We woke up to a new reality. Our country, come January 20th, will be fundamentally different.

Women would no longer be able to control their own bodies and futures.

Black and brown people will no longer be protected, and many immigrants will be deported.

Gay people stand to lose the right to marry, adopt, and the right to not be discriminated against.

Trans rights, including gender-affirming care, will be stripped away, if not banned altogether.

The right to free speech will be tested like never before.

A white Christian nationalist government will be the new norm.

And that is terrifying for people like us.

The business was busy and gave me something else to focus on.

The Holidays

After the shock of the election subsided, it was time to prepare for the holidays. We introduced a new holiday soap line and prepared for our first-ever vendor show.

We hosted Thanksgiving this year, and it was a wonderful time surrounded by family. My kids came home, and my brother, sister, and their families came for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a fantastic feeling. All the people who mean the most to me and whom I love so much were in the same place. Even though we were missing those who were no longer with us, our grief turned into good memories that we all laughed about. My kids even put up the Christmas tree after dinner.

Our first vendor show was on December 8th and was a smashing success. It was fun, too! We met some great people, which was excellent exposure for us. Southern Hills Soap and Candles now had a footprint in the community. This will open many doors for us. We shipped out our last order of the year on December 16th and set out to enjoy the Christmas season.

I tried again to get some writing in, with the same results. I decided that I would write instead of forcing it when I knew I had something to share.

I also started a hypomanic episode around this time. Mark helped me manage it by open communication and helping me focus on one thing at a time. A medicine adjustment helped manage the episode, which never turned into a full-blown mania.

Before I knew it, Christmas was upon us. We spent the day at home with the kids. We all ate, drank, and were merry. We spent Christmas night playing games. A visit with Gramma, my cousin, and his husband, and a second Christmas with Mark's dad and his partner rounded out the holidays.

All of this reminded me to focus on who is here in our lives, not just who is missing.

Going Into the New Year

2024 was a year of change for me. I crawled out of a severe depression. I started a new business. I worked on things in therapy that I wasn't ready to work on before, including my relationship with food. I had a mindset change about loss and grief, learning to focus on who we have in our lives instead of who is missing.

I am heading into 2025 hopeful and motivated.

I am going to continue to grow my business. We are introducing a couple of new product lines early in the year and will do some vendor shows throughout the year.

I will get better at practicing mindfulness. It helps with the racing thoughts, the anxiety, and the worry I still feel about the future under a new president.

I will write more, including continuing the storyline in one of my most-read stories, which has three parts. I plan on three or more parts.

I am also looking forward to reconnecting with my husband. We have been through so much, and we love each other deeply. But some things have happened that made me realize we need to work on us. We need to work on boundaries. We need to rekindle that spark and not let outside influences damage our relationship as they have done before. I want to divorce-proof our marriage.

I plan to connect with my kids on a deeper level as well.

I want to close with this quote.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" – Eleanor Roosevelt.

I hope 2025 is a year of beautiful dreams for all of you.

Happy New Year to all!

Thank you for reading my writing! If you would like to read more about Bipolar Disorder, click below.

If you would like to read more of my work, click below.