What makes you leave a long marriage?

This year has been pretty crap. My Dad died at the end of January, a good mate of mine got diagnosed with cancer and then I crashed my truck. So, when I was on the phone with my mother, and she said, “I’ve got something I need to tell you” I figured it was going to be that someone else had died or was dying. I was not expecting her to say, “Your Aunty Paula has left your Uncle Brian”.

There were several reasons why this came as a shock to me. Uncle Brian was Mom’s brother, I have had a lot to do with him and Aunty Paula throughout my life. When I was heartbroken after a relationship break-up, I stayed with Uncle Brian and Aunty Paula. They also stood on either side of me at my dad’s funeral and were a great support through that.

But I guess another relevant point is that Aunty Paula is due to turn 80 soon, and she and Uncle Brian have been married for about 61 years. You read that correctly 61 years of marriage.

Let me back up a little and give you some of this story as it was relayed to me.

Uncle Brian (who’s 82) went to his son’s property to give him a hand. He worked all day and then got home. Aunty Paula wasn’t there, so he sent her a text message “Are you coming home soon to cook dinner?” Alright, now I’m going to stop there, this may be an indicator of what it was like being married to Uncle Brian.

Aunty Paula texted back “No.” With a couple of follow-up messages, she informed him via SMS that “I’ve left you”.

Uncle Brian still wasn’t sure if this was right. He started to look around the house. He noticed that some of Paula’s clothes were missing, but the real sign that she had left him, she had taken her sewing machine and overlocker. This is a nearly 80-year-old woman, of course, her priority is her sewing machine and overlocker.

Understandably Uncle Brian is very upset. Their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren are equally upset. Uncle Brian claims that there wasn’t a fight, that he hadn’t witnessed any signs that she was unhappy in their marriage. She had contacted social security to let them know she would now be receiving the single pension, so there was an element of planning in this.

I haven’t spoken to either of them. I’m in shock. I’m also curious, what makes someone decide after 61 years of marriage to just up and leave. Not to mention break the news to your husband of 61 years via text message. What single act or omission was what pushed Aunty Paula to say to herself “That’s it, I’m done!”

I was shocked when my other uncle and aunt broke up after 42 years of marriage, but this is a whole other level. I think that if someone has put up with me for over 60 years that they are committed for the long haul.

My Mom’s analysis consisted of, “well it’s not like she’s 60 and can start over”. According to her you can start over at 60 but not at 80. She has hypothesized that there is someone else, I guess that’s equal parts scary and reassuring. It’s nice to know that we can still find love and romance in our 80s.

I am still left with so many unanswered questions. I know you are probably the same. This is a greater mystery than some of those true crime podcasts.

While I’ve written this article, I understand that I’ve put this out for all to analyze, there are funny aspects to it. I don’t think the hurt both are feeling is for public amusement or entertainment, that’s one of the reasons I’ve changed their names. However, if a marriage can’t last past 61 years, what hope is there? Surely after 61 years of marriage, you are entitled to more than just an SMS? I will now have to check for missing sewing machines every night when I come home for the rest of my life now.