What Happens When the Parents Disagree on the Child’s Education?

Child Discipline: What happens when parents frequently contradict each other, when they disagree on ways to educate and relate to a child? The child's parents may have different perspectives on what education means and how it should be implemented. Do you know the proverb "when two quarrels, the third wins"? Well, when the parents quarrel, the child does not win at all in the long run, but he can easily dodge the rules…

Parents disagree on the child's discipline. They have different perspectives, different values, especially because they have learned different parenting styles in their home families. It is quite normal to have differences in the approach to the child's education - the important thing is how you know how to reconcile both perspectives so that they do not clash, but complement each other.

Parents often get into debates and even quarrels over the child's discipline: unfortunately, they do not notice the major differences in approach to education until after they become parents; too few newlyweds discuss this issue in advance. The classic scenario when parents disagree on how to discipline is when one parent is authoritarian and the other permissive: one constantly plays the role of "evil", while the other always wants to be "good and fun".

Sharing rigid roles of authority is never beneficial: often the parent who spends the most time with the child, who is most involved in his upbringing, is forced to impose, to be more authoritarian, to educate. Instead, the parent who does not spend enough time with the family may feel the need to compensate, being constantly permissive and pampering the child.

And so the extreme approach to parental roles is reached: "the bad" and "the good"… And when parents decide on their child's education, their perspectives and choices will be far too different.

The most important thing when parents argue about the child's discipline is this: do not contradict each other and especially do not quarrel with the child! If you can't agree on how to act in any situation, you need to talk privately and try to reach a compromise.

But try not to have such discussions with the child: "I don't think you're right: why shouldn't he be allowed to", "don't punish him, he was wrong too", etc. And just as important: when you do not agree with a decision made by the other, do not contradict him in front of the child - you thus steal them from the parental authority.

When parents often disagree on the child's discipline, he can learn to use the situation in his favor. The child can manipulate you so that you can escape punishment or get what you want.

The classic situation: when he wants something, the child goes to the permissive parent and convinces him to get what he wants in the absence of the other parent! And when he finds out, he feels that his authority has been violated and it is not long before a conflict breaks out: "how could you leave him, you know I don't agree".

But the worst part is that when the parents can't agree on the child's discipline, the child loses: he will often be confused about the rules, what is allowed and what is not allowed. What will a child think and do when one parent imposes certain rules on him and the other does not follow them?

For example, the child who knows that the mother will ask him to gather in the room and be in bed at 21.00; but who sees that if he stays with his father, he lets him watch TV until late… Or the child who made a fool of himself and hears from his mother "you're punished" and from his father ⁇

Parents who frequently disagree on a child's discipline need to compromise so that their parenting styles do not stand in the way of the child's education so that they create a balanced, unified family environment and do not allow the child to "divide and conquer." "!

You need to talk privately about your perspectives on education, first looking for common ground and then looking at the differences between you. Try to understand why the other parent has a different perspective and do not criticize him just because you do not agree with him! The truth is that you can both be right in some ways, and you can both be wrong in other ways when it comes to a child's education: take what is valuable from both perspectives.

It the crucial to think about what is good for the child - and not which of you is right. This is not about winning a debate: it is about understanding the differences in approaching the child's education and finding common ground.

You can agree on some general rules - as for the practical way to impose and relate, you accept that you will act differently many times. And maybe there's nothing wrong with having different ways of relating to your child, as long as you don't fight and violate the other parent's authority. But you always have to act for the good of the child: so ask yourself, "How does what I do help him?"

One last tip: parents often argue about a child's discipline because one is authoritarian, while the other is permissive, so one solution for both is to try to strike a balance.

The authoritarian parent must get rid of the fear that if he does not strictly control the child he will lose his power; and the permissive parent must get rid of the fear that if he sometimes behaves strictly with the child, he will no longer like him! Being a parent involves trying to reach the middle: extremes are never the recommended path in the child's discipline.