What Does It Mean To Be Free???

I was standing on the medium in the middle of the street waiting patiently for the red light to change, for a slight second I began to day dream until I heard a man singing passionately .... his window was rolled down, and for a quick second I thought to myself he has no idea how free he is. Why did I make this assumption based purely off a brief moment knowing nothing about his life's experiences? Well I was waiting to cross the street toting a bag with a plastic container previously purchased at Dollar Tree filled with hot water I got at the Quik Trip gas station. The hot water was used to bathe with ... you see I'm homeless living out of my storage unit and the door locks at 10pm so in order for me to wash my body I had to walk 5-7 mins to local store so usually I'm in a hurry to cross the street depending upon traffic, fill up my container and make it back before the door locks. This is an everyday routine along with sitting at Panera as I am doing at this very moment utilizing the internet to apply for jobs, assistance, write etc. Fast forward, on pure FAITH I relocated to another state knowing no one and I didn't have a job set in place cause I honestly didn't think it would be difficult attaining one once I arrived. Again, pure FAITH. So far I've been here three months going on four, once the money ran out staying at an hotel I had no choice but to think fast and come up with a solution so I wouldn't be sleeping outside especially due to frigid weather. Pause! When I see this man pull up singing all I can think is he's soooooooo free and he has no idea how bound I felt especially standing in that particular moment. I walked across the street while the tears fell. My heart was filled with grief just the experience being homeless and having to survive every minute of every second of every day. It can be traumatizing if you're not mentally stable enough to grasp the struggles of it all. You see, it was a Friday or Saturday night honestly I couldn't remember because I feel like I'm just existing not living so my days & time tend to run together. As I walked back to my storage unit I cried out to GOD praying emotions all over the place just in turmoil with my entire life. I stepped out on FAITH to work in outreach to assist people in this exact place in their life, and here I was actually living it. I know it's crazy to imagine a plan you had set to turn out being the exact opposite of what you originally set out to do but that's life and what the journey is all about.

To me freedom has so many meanings. To be free and have the option to wake up in a bed, utilize a bathroom and wash your face, brush your teeth, wash your hair, take a bath or shower. To have clean clothes to put on everyday and not wear the same clothes 2-3 times throughout the week due to lack of finances or laundry facility and transportation to go to and fro if and when provided the necessary tools. To open and close a refrigerator and cook fresh produce or choose to order food online and get it delivered from Door Dash, Grub Hub or Uber Eats. In my current reality all those choices were stripped from me so I feel shackled every single day, bond by the decision that led me here waking up expecting and wanting different doing everything in my power to shift things but when I rehearse my daily routine in my head all I can do is except what I can't control and show gratitude for being here even if I am just existing.

Even while in this pandemic majority people are blessed to either still have gainful employment or some sort of finances coming in each month. I've watched as so many have stood up and walked into their purpose starting the business or being laid off from their regular job has given them the motivation needed to put their thoughts into action and no longer work a 9 to 5 so they are free from the chains held by corporate America. The first week I arrived here I applied to 7 jobs and within less than a week I had an interview for the first job and they hired me on the spot and even let me set my own hourly rate from my years of experience. After about 2 weeks I didn't hear anything back so I decided to go inside to find out the waiting process because I was eager to begin working especially after purchasing what I needed to start work. I spoke with a manager on duty who assured me I would be contacted within 2 days as they were awaiting my background check. False!! They had already received my background check and were cowardice about telling me to my face they chose not to go along with the process. I am a felon , yes a felon, a charge I got at 17 years old and I'll be 39 in 29 days so yea you do the math. Bond by decisions I made as a teenager, which I did my time and probation and have not got into no trouble since, not even a parking ticket. Free??? yea right even after the jail cell being out here living in society conditions the minds of so many and wants to keep "us" as a whole down and bond. When we break free from the shackles we no longer have to endure being prisoner in our own life, then we walk into POWER which is what the entire fight is all about.

Last but not least am I seriously free as a young black woman witnessing our fathers, brothers, cousins,uncles etc. get murdered consistently by the unjust system we've been forced to live among for centuries. That is why the world is full of tension with all the racial discrimination and the well known fact being a black woman no less in this country faced with immense pressures I experience on a regular. As I sit in Panera Bread there are several white elderly that come and speak to me, encourage me and embrace me and then there's the elderly Karen that snaps at me, talks about me to other employers etc. The very first day I encountered this woman she was rude, I was taught to treat everyone with respect especially my elders but she's just down right mean for no reason at all. I have reported her to the managers, corporate and the only thing I here is "okay" she's been here awhile and customers along with employees have complained but that hasn't changed a thing. Let me make it plain if she were black she would have been fired the first day, but no that's not the world I live in. So what does it mean to be free cause even my skin color brings another set of oppression daily. Just my thoughts!!

Ohhhhhh!!!! To be free and live life, be in every moment and just simply be normal.

"Only a person who's full of life & joy can be truly free"

- Sadhguru