What does emotionally unavailable really mean?

I just read a wonderful article about what being emotionally unavailable really means... and I feel personally attacked.

The article begins with ... Many emotionally unavailable people have a knack for making you feel great about yourself...let me stop you right there... Why is it not enough for most people to accept the experience of feeling really great about yourself in the moment and that be it? Why can you not appreciate the feeling and move on? Why do you blood sucking energy draining monsters have to have more, and then when you don’t get what you want, feel the need to label other people “emotionally unavailable”. Why do you somehow feel entitled to feel more than the good feeling in the moment and if you don’t get what you want, be negative, judgy and then needlessly label a person who has just made you feel so good about yourself?

Well that escalated quickly...

I personally love flitting around brightening people’s days, smiling at strangers giving people kind words in times of difficulty and then moving on never to be seen again. I know it’s hard to envision given my writing style and rantings but in real life I am one of the warmest most positive humans you are likely to meet. I radiate good energy. Probably because I protect my energy and cultivate it primarily by distancing myself from people who regularly call others “emotionally unavailable”.

The signs below were mentioned in the article to better help you recognise emotional unavailability in a partner... and I could not help but giggle:

They don’t like making plans

They call the shots

You do all the relationship work

They avoid the word ‘relationship’ You never seem to grow closer

They reflect your feelings instead of offering their own

They show up late or blow off plans

Ummmm. Do you know what I think is worse than being “emotionally unavailable”? Stalkers. Im not sure why it is that not many others recognise that it’s common sense to know that when another person doesn’t like making plans with you ... THEN THEY DONT LIKE YOU.

Back off. You are not in a relationship!!!

They call all the shots in your mind because they probably don’t want to be around you but you break their balls and chase them relentlessly until you catch them in a weak moment they feel pressured to accept an invitation and instantly regret it and and then said person retreats indefinitely causing feelings of rejection on your part. If someone avoids the word relationship then you are NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. You never seem to grow closer - BECAUSE you are NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. We shouldn’t even be discussing any further points after the first point. The only thing propelling you into imminent destruction is the fact that you- the anti narcissist are not reading subtle or NOT SO SUBTLE CUES.

Let me help you out with some sage words of advice. You are only going to get hurt if you are seeking something from another person. You are seeking to gain something from another person, you are unsuccessful in your efforts and then become angry. This is not a logical course of action for my brain. From my viewpoint you people hurt yourself with your unrealistic expectations when you project them onto another person. You only have to look up the hashtag #narcissist to read the millions of rantings across social media about narcissistic personalities and whining about emotionally unavailable people that I can’t help but wonder... Do these mouthy vocal anti narcissistic people ever think that maybe they may not be completely without blame if they repeatedly encounter #narcissists and so many #emotionallyunavailable people? Could it be time to evaluate what it may be about your personality that could be causing people to run in the opposite direction. For example here are some qualities that will send me, a so called emotionally unavailable but really actually a highly emotionally intelligent being, running for the proverbial hills:

Are you talking about yourself non stop without taking the time to notice the person you are so called engaging with is not contributing to the conversation?

Are talking repeatedly about your negative experiences without moving forward in a solutions focused course of action eg vicious circles with no positive ending sight?

Another surefire way to make me avoid you like the plague and even on some occasions block you from my life ...Are you gossiping about other people, specifically people I know and like?

Do you have a negative outlook on life and feel the need to complain excessively?

Do you call others typically and launch a tirade about every single irritating or annoying thing that has happened to you since last speaking to the so called emotionally unavailable person?

On reflection are you feeling good about yourself because the so called emotionally unavailable person isn’t talking at all about themselves and the entire conversation is focussed solely on you?

People should be able to choose not to answer the calls of negative people who make them feel drained emotionally and choose to walk away from people and situations that feel negative or unpleasant without being labelled narcissists and emotionally unavailable.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble but the emotionally unavailable person may just not be available to YOU.

In conclusion - When you are a good person you don’t lose people, people lose you. It’s blatantly obvious to me what category I fall into. If that makes me a narcissist. So be it.