Weapon without a soul

In modern descriptions of masculinity the man is often depicted as a protector defender or even avenge for those they love. This often shows the idea that

anger and rage are the only acceptable forms of emotion as man. This leads to what a former mentor of mine would refer too as being a weapon without a soul. The

idea being you knew how to act in dangerous moment or least thought you did while feeling ill at ease during your emotions in moments of calm. This I would say leads

to a limited existence. The other off shoot of this is the idea that men are providers and only good for their utility of what they provide. While these two functions

are classical examples of masculinity I would argue they are an incomplete view of masculinity. They are half of a two sided coin. The softer side of masculinity

is often neglected.

So lets set some parameters of what the softer side of masculinity involves. Note this will not be a complete list as we will focus on a few general concepts.

The first one I would bring up is the role of the teacher and mentor. While it is possible to go with the strict punishing mentor I think it is often forgotten that the softspoken quiet kind mentor exists as well. The is an idealization of the man who tells it as it is and is not afraid to hurt feelings. While this can be appropriate in certain situations I think it is often forgotten that there is the flip side need for when things are going well and the mentee needs guidance in everyday life. The idea of being a fatherly figure that is approachable to offer wise guidance is an often underutilized form of masculinity. The ideas of being measured and reliable are often viewed as desirable but having to be formed over a lifetime of practice and consistency they are often less glamourized than the protector role.

The second that is often presented in an odd way is the rock that allows someone to anchor themselves to you in hard times and be a shoulder to cry on if needed. The misrepresentation of this is the man is stoic unfeeling and able to navigate difficult times with unfeeling will. This is depicted as strength. This loops back to the idea of a weapon without a soul. It is not strength to be unfeeling in tense or grief stricken times. It is a mere existence. If you do not feel the grief or stress of a situation there is no obstacle to over come. Allowing yourself the ability to feel the situation acknowledge the emotions in the situation you feel and then react in an appropriate way is the definition of strength as you feel the pressure of the situation and do not allow it to consume you. The ability to not feel emotions is a wound to you and those around you in the situation because being unable to commiserate in the stress or grief limits your effectiveness as a shoulder to cry on and your counsel for the situation.

There are several other options to illustrate the point but the idea is we often forget the side of masculinity that allows us to live as part of humanity rather than try to be a force of nature in daily life. Most of life is not made of large defining moments where you are forced to make tough decisions. Most of life is made through the slow every day type of moments and we tend to forget soft masculinity to those moments. The slow steady reliable kind of masculinity. The idea that being kind when your able is not weakness but the other half of being a protector. That being reliable and consistent builds trust for those tense moments when you will have to make tough call or aid a loved one in the grieving process as those you live pass on. That allowing yourself to feel emotions but not become overwhelmed allows you to build reliability and develop the reputation where your advise and counsel is sought. The idea that helping mentor someone in their daily life to in times of calm with counsel to help build habits that will help with times of stress are the other half of masculinity that is not glamours but woefully lacking in the modern incarnation of masculinity. The day to day quiet that is most of life.