We're doing it all wrong ladies

It's always us. We're the ones who catch feelings first. These feelings only grow until they're too much for us to handle. We end up planning a future with this person, we idolize the idea of marriage, having kids, buying a house together. We think of cute names for the kids, what kind of house we want, the dress we want to get married in. We fall in love with them and we imagine a future with them. But whilst you're doing all of this you're forgetting that he doesn't want any of it.

Because you've fallen so deeply in love with him you've been ignoring all the major red flags he's been showing you. All you think about is how happy he makes you, how you feel around him, the smile he puts on your face and how safe he makes you feel. You notice every small thing he does and you adore it, you pay attention to every aspect of his life, and you always make yourself available for when he wants you. But see that's the thing. It's 'when he wants you'. You're his last priority, you may not even be on the list. He tried so hard to get you but now that he has achieved that he doesn't need to try anymore, he's comfortable and you're letting him be. He never makes time for you anymore, it's always when it's convenient for him. He doesn't pay attention to you or your life, he doesn't respect you, and he doesn't need you. You dived in too deep and this is where it has gotten you. Now instead of those perfect drives the two of you used to go on where you would just listen to music, laugh and talk for hours, it's tears, arguments and repeated conversations. You want more, he barely wants you as a friend now. You imagined the two of you having a future together everything was perfect in your head but it wasn't real. Because you had fallen so deeply in love with this side of him that you refused to see the side of him which was far from perfect. The side of him that would ignore you, upset you, make you feel small and make you feel like everything was your fault. This is the side of him that was there all along but now you're finally able to see it.

It's heartbreaking I know but it's life and it happens. And it'll happen again and again and again until it doesn't. Until someone finally comes along and brings you peace. This is where you'll do things differently because you know better. You now know what to do and what not to do, you've learnt. This is that point where you look back and you no longer cry over what happened but instead you're thankful because if those situations had never of happened then you would be making the same mistakes this time.

Now that you know differently, you can just let it be. There's no need to force anything because you know you're worth and you know that whatever is meant for you will somehow find it's way and so you don't stress. You let him message you, you let him pay attention to your life, you let him fall in love with you.

It is a psychological known fact that females have higher levels of oxytocin. This is the hormone that plays a role in social bonding, and this is one of the many reasons we tend to fall in love and catch feeling first so learn how to control this. One way would be to simply look back at the past. Think of all them relationships or situationships that didn't work out. Trigger those bad memories. Think about why they didn't work out and think about how it all made you feel. Now you can act differently. Be smart and put yourself first sis.