We Miss People Who Aren’t Even Good for Us — And Here’s Why

You know they hurt you.

You know they made you feel small.

You know they drained your energy, twisted your words, or made love feel conditional.

But still…

You miss them.

Late at night, when the world gets quiet.

In songs you used to play.

In places that still hold their name.

You miss them — even though they weren’t good for you.

And that’s the part that feels the hardest to admit.

💭 Why Do We Miss People Who Hurt Us?

Because it’s not just them we miss.

We miss:

The idea of who they could’ve been

The hope we poured into the relationship

The version of ourselves we tried to become to keep them

The moments — the laughter, the closeness, the highs that made us believe it was love

We don’t just miss them.

We miss the story we told ourselves about them.

And walking away from that?

Feels like grieving a dream.

🧠 The Psychology Behind It

Our brain is wired for familiarity, not necessarily what’s good.

Even toxic comfort feels safer than the unknown.

That’s why we sometimes crave:

The chaos we’re used to

The affection with strings attached

The attention that came only when we begged for it

We miss them — not because they were healthy — but because they were ours.

For a time, they were our “normal.”

And that leaves a gap when they’re gone.

🫥 You Didn’t Miss a Person — You Missed a Pattern

You were used to:

Checking your phone for their reply

Planning around their moods

Hoping today would be different

Holding on even when they let go a thousand times

When that cycle ends, your body still remembers it.

The silence feels louder than the noise ever did.

You don’t just miss them — you miss the rhythm.

Even if it was one that broke you.

💔 The Dangerous Myth: “If I Miss Them, I Must Still Love Them”

No.

Missing someone is a feeling — not a sign to return.

You can miss someone and still know they were wrong for you.

You can miss someone and still choose yourself.

In fact, choosing yourself despite the ache is the purest form of healing.

💡 So What Can You Do With That Ache?

Let it exist — but don’t let it guide you.

Feel it.

Write about it.

Cry if you need to.

But remind yourself:

You’re not longing for a person — you’re longing for peace, connection, love.

And they didn’t give you that consistently. They gave you a glimpse, not a lifetime.

And you deserve the real thing.

🧘‍♀️ What You Actually Deserve

You deserve:

A love that doesn’t make you question your worth

A presence that stays without you begging

Words that match actions

A connection that calms your nervous system, not activates it

You don’t need intensity.

You need consistency.

You don’t need someone to fight for.

You need someone who chooses peace with you.

🌱 Final Words

It’s okay if you still miss them.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak.

It doesn’t mean you were wrong for leaving.

It just means you’re human — and healing.

You’re allowed to mourn what could’ve been — while still walking toward what’s better.

Let the memory soften.

Let the lessons stay.

And keep choosing yourself — again and again.

Because one day, you’ll look back and realize:

You didn’t really miss them.

You missed being seen.

You missed being loved.

You missed feeling enough.

And that’s something you can find — without pain attached to it.

To miss someone is the feeling of you care for someone and you do not want to forget in your life.