War in Ukraine: the beginning

After a long workday, it is very relaxing to sit on the couch and mindlessly watch a TV show. That was what we did on the evening of February 23rd. Later on, ready for a goodnight sleep, I went to check my phone. The phone was exploding with notifications of missed calls and messages from Ukraine. Everyone was informing me of the same situation: “the war has started” or “we are getting bombed by Russia.” My heart dropped as I turned the news on and started returning the phone calls. I did not go to bed as planned that night.

I am the first generation of the Ukrainian American in my family. I was born, raised, and lived in Kharkiv city, Ukraine until I was 25. Besides my mom and my daughter, the rest of my relatives and my friends remain over there, specifically in Kharkiv and Mariupol. For the past twenty days I have been hearing horrific stories from the people I have known since childhood and seeing pictures of the city that used to have beautiful architecture and many historical sites and now it is mostly ruins.

The following are stories that have been told to me in the last three weeks. My cousin, her three kids and their elderly mother have spent most of those twenty days in a cellar. They run upstairs to grab food, use the internet to check on their relatives, and go back down in the cellar. She told me, one day it became really quiet and they decided to eat in the house. The silence did not last long and the loud siren reminded them of the upcoming danger; the family grabbed their food and went back down in the cellar. My brother has encountered a meeting with a tank muzzle, not knowing if the tank was Russian or Ukrainian, he stood there in a shock until someone noticed him and pulled him away. He told me that during that moment his life flashed before him. He said he was not scared of death but was concerned about the pain. A good friend of mine left his house and everything in it, taking only his disabled mom and her wheelchair and drove them for hours out of the city of Kharkiv. He was risking their lives but also he was taking a chance to save them both. Now they live in an unfamiliar city in a clinic used as a shelter. However, there are no continuous explosions. Another family friend was glad to be around the explosions but away “from hell” as she described it, away “from the Chechens’’ soldiers who were “breaking civilians houses, stealing people and raping women in my little town.”

To continue, Tatyana is my best friend in Ukraine; we managed to save our friendship despite the long distance. She moved to Mariupol over a year ago. She moved not knowing that one day the city of Mariupol will be blocked by the Russian army and left to survive. The last voice message she left for me was on March 1st. I sensed a potential goodbye when I heard her saying the city is surrounded, there is no heat, water or electricity and the people were told not be outside in order to save their lives. I responded that I am not allowing her saying “goodbye” and we still going to see each other one day. Since then, every day has been dragging in expectations to hear from her again. Her son and her daughter, fighting for their lives in Kharkiv, have been staring at their phones daily, waiting to hear from their mom. Yesterday was a happy day for all of us, Tatyana texted her daughter “I am alive.” No other updates since then.

When I was growing up, I loved to listen to my grandmother’s stories. My grandma was twelve years old when WWII started. She told me how their family ran from the house to the nearest cellar every time they heard the scary sound of the sirens. It meant the bombs were coming their way. The only hope they had was that their house will remain when they come out from the underground. She also told me about the unimaginably cruel siege of Leningrad where people were isolated and left without any resources including food and water. I listened to her stories as if they were history lessons; something that was so bad but in the past. I have never thought that I will hear the same stories in real life, in 2022 when humanity has advanced in so many areas except its lust for power.

Since February 24th, I had woken up in the middle of the night, thinking that I had a terrible nightmare. I can say with confidence this has been devastating experience to many Ukrainian Americans who live here. We have been watching our motherland get destroyed meanwhile feeling absolutely helpless. My hope that this is a reminder to people of all nations that democracy can be easily undermined and when there is a war, a peaceful sky is the biggest priority in our lives.