Vinosity

I stood across the street looking back at the bar door. She stood there for a second and Then turned and went back inside. I had a cut over my eye and a glass of merlot staining my shirt in the shape of an archipelago. I smiled and took a drink from the bottle I grabbed from the table. I couldn’t have planned it any better. I wiped the blood from my lip and walked away.

Just an hour ago I was clean, happy, and sober…

I walked back in from outside the bar. ‘can I get some ice’, I looked at the bartender who was staring at me with indifference. I moved over to the table to rejoin my date, but her chair was empty. She had left. I was alone again. I couldn’t blame her. Everyone in the place watched me walk back to my table. Some wore scared, others curious faces. As I sat down most of them went back to the conversations they were having before my outburst.

‘He fucked my girlfriend’, I said matter of factly to the couple still staring at my bloody face from the table next to me. The man smiled and the women just looked back down quickly at her drink and then continued babbling. I didn’t care to listen. I saw my glass had been knocked over in my mad dash to murder a man. I tried to find a waitress for some help. A towel, another glass of wine, a person that will try understanding (me)

Thoughts:

I try not to be an aggressive human being but sometimes if you just keep allowing people to take advantage of/from you, you’ll have nothing left.

I assumed, by now the man I had dragged out of the bar and pummeled had gotten up off the ground and limped himself off. I’m sure he wouldn’t be returning tonight. He was once an old friend. He had to know my sense of humor on the subject would be limited, that I could have a temper, that I will lash out. He had to know this would be the result.

My knuckles barely bloody and I realize I must have taken it easy on him. He got off light. He was the one that came up to me, walked up to my table, pulled my attention away from my date and onto him. He spoke to me like we were still friends, but We were no longer friends. I told him once before, shit, I told him many times to stay away from me. I guess he thought enough time had passed that I would have gotten past it. It had been months since we had last seen each other since the last time I put my fist into his face. Obviously, he didn’t know me as well as he/I thought. All those years we were around each other he had to have learned there were a few things would turn me crazy. He’d seen it before. He must have thought, I was the guy that always joked, he wouldn’t keep this up forever, obviously he hadn’t learned how serious I can be. I was a man of my word.

‘your date left’, the waitress said setting a fresh glass in front of me.

‘I guess I bumped the table and knocked over my glass of wine.’ luckily the bottle still stood filled with the grapes of wrath, waiting for loosened tongues and better times.

‘at least you smell good… merlot is the best wine to spill on yourself… reminds me of grandmas pies.’ She said Shaking her head. ‘that shirt is completely ruined…’

‘I’m aware…’ I didn’t look up. I was connecting the dots of wine that colored my shirt. Oh well, I had others. She grabbed for the empty stemware that laid on its side that kept from finding the floor and breaking into sand on the beach. I prefer smoothies if I’m gonna wear a drink.’

‘smart…so why did you punch that guy in the face? Just curious.’

‘he fucked my girlfriend’ I said after a sip. The wine mixed with my blood and added a nice bitter taste that was sweet sliding down my throat.

‘ouch, I’m sorry…this just happened?’

‘no, A few years ago’ I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to see the surprise or confusion on her face.

‘what? Jesus…get over it!’ she yelled with a big smile. I could feel my lip starting to swell with blood.

‘it’s not about her…’

‘well, what then? How long?’

‘2 years’

‘Oh, come on…You’ve been holding a grudge for 2 years waiting to fight this guy? I could see the first time or even punching him once in here, but you dragged him out of here and bloodied him up against our wall and left him lying there like a bag of laundry. You even let him up to hit you back. I’m confused, Have You’ve been looking for this guy for two years? Are you insane?’

I finally looked up, ‘no that’s the fourth time I found him, and no, I don’t think I’m crazy just honest.’

‘4th time? I don’t understand. You had to ruin a date just to get at this guy again?’

Unfortunately, yes…I had to.’

‘you couldn’t have just ignored him and found him later, maybe after you got lucky with the lady?’

‘Well, he walked on over to the table with hi stupid smile, feigning a truce and when he saw my face lose its color, he asked me. ‘hey man, this is ridiculous, am I gonna fight you every time I see you? So, I thought for a second, looked at my date, then at him took a drink from my glass and said ‘ya’ then jumped up and clipped him on the chin.’

‘But why not ended it there? Why drag him out of the bar, chase away your date, hurt your hands and maybe go to jail.’

I looked back down at my glass to see it empty. She reached for the bottle and poured in a shot of wine. I drink it accordingly.

‘Your night is certainly ruined.’ She said kneeling down wiping up the spill left behind.

‘nothing is ruined… It’s all happening the way it’s supposed to.’

‘so now what? How lucky you think you’re gonna get with wearing that the Rorschach test, bleeding from your booboo?’

‘I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking about any of that.’ I rocked my empty glass so she would pour me another. ‘let me think about it and I’ll tell you later.’

‘let me get the rest of these tables taken care of and I’ll bring you something for that hand too.’

‘ya… thanks.’

I hadn’t gotten a good look at her until her back was turned and she was walking away.

My adrenaline was pumping too fast at first to notice her before. Her attractiveness only grew the longer my eyes lorded on her. These cheap lights did nothing to dampen her beauty. Only now that My blood pressure lowered did I notice her shape. She could have modeled for the Dutch masters. She floated away on perfect posture, she walked like a woman, Confident and knowing. I sensed no pretension or disguise. I sat there, bleeding like a hemodynamic elephant on its monthly. I shouldn’t know certain things, I thought, but I laughed to myself and even allowed a smile to show/show a smile.

She came right back I watched her come back to me, tilting her head in confusion at the look on my face. Bloody and smiling. I must have looked like a booking photo, her cheeks swelled and her lips un-straightened into a smile. Now, that’s a woman to start a war over or give your life to, I thought.

‘what’s that for? The smile?’

‘elephants…’

‘elephants?’, she takes the drink from her tray and sets it right on a torn paper napkin.

‘Ya, elephants. I wiped the grin from my face and produced a new smaller, safer smile for her. My attempt to change the subject.

‘ok’ shaking her head. She pulled out the chair next to me, sat her tray down on the table and took ice from a glass and laid them in the center of a small hand towel she had. ‘I talked to my boss… he isn’t gonna call the cops… I told him your plight and he said he sympathizes. ‘She grabbed my hands from the table and pulled them in front of her. ‘Your lip is bleeding.’ She took another towel and patted at my lower lip. It stung but I didn’t say a thing. Then she took the rag and wiped away the blood from my knuckles. She placed the rag with the ice on my right hand first. She looked up at my face, straight into my eyes, still holding my hands in hers. ‘you let him punch you?’

‘well of course I did… I’m not a savage… I let him get a few in to show him I was not gonna lose.’

She placed a puzzled look on her face and then smiled showing her youthfulness, her skin unstretched from time and a welcoming soft beauty. So pure. Age would only slow her down, but never stop her. Her confidence poured out of her eyes. ‘Are those contact?’, I asked.

She smiled with teeth and shook her head no, absolutely not.

‘so next time?’

‘I assume so, but this time, he came over to here… To me… To the table, he thought because I was with a woman my memory would fade and I’d forget the promise I made to him to fight him every time I saw him, but I don’t want to kill him, just remind me how everything we do has consequences… and some of things we must live with till the day we die. Not everybody or everything forgives or forgets. I’m prepared to take my beatings, in whatever form they come.’

‘well, that was his mistake coming over here, wasn’t it…? I hope that’s not what you do when you see her!’

‘no, of course not…she doesn’t exist anymore.’

‘what? She’s dead?’

‘to me, ya… she doesn’t exist any longer…but she’s alive and fine I suppose.

‘good, so why you so tough on him? … If all this happened a while back. Were you in love with her?’

‘no, maybe if I thought I was, but it wasn’t love. honestly, she wasn’t anything special in retrospect, but she taught me a lesson. Me and him were once good friends… for a long time… he knew how I would react to that betrayal. He knew my hurt would last a lifetime, not her betrayal but his…so I don’t feel bad, I told him what I would do if I saw him again and he knew I was a man of my word, he should have turn around and walked out the door when he saw me.’

Thoughts:

People will always disappoint you. That’s all you can be sure of.

‘fair enough… but why ruin a date? She was cute.’ She switched the towel to my left hand; I moved my drink to my right. ‘oh, she was fine… but we didn’t have a future.’

‘So not a first date? You’ve been out with her before?’

‘no, first date… a friend of a friends sister’s cousin…blah blah blah… it doesn’t matter… she’s gone.’

‘ha! No wonder she left after you dragged that guy outside… quite the impression you made. So, you won’t see her again I guess?’ not your type?’

‘no… I don’t think so… she believed in hell…. So, we would have had problems agreeing on anything else.’

‘don’t believe in hell, ah? What about heaven?’

I shot a pair of empty/dead eyes towards hers. I thought that would convey/say more than any explanation/sentence I’d could construct. ‘not today’ I finally committed to words.

‘so, you think you’ll see her again?’

‘oh, I doubt it, but I might… I knew her before tonight, but it was our first, ah, date, I guess… but it wants going anywhere real. It was purely physical; I couldn’t talk to her unless we were drinking or having sex.’

‘so, you did know her?’

‘I guess, but we were not friends so much, but we had slept together a few times…this date was her idea.’ she kept her head down focusing on my hands not giving away how she felt about this information. We sat silently for a few moments.

‘excuse me, I should use the bathroom for a minute.’ I got up quickly as possible and controlled my gait to a walk but hurried. I opened the bathroom door welcomed by the stench of bleach and piss. More piss than bleach though. I walked to the sink and turned one of the knobs. Water fired out like a firehose bouncing off the sink and on to my pants. I didn’t care. Another stain to match my shirt, I was creating a new style. I stood there and let my temperature return to normal, as it was before. I splashed water in my face and looked at my wounds. Minor damage. Who cares? I let him hit me to remind me I was alive. I turned and walked out the door hoping the faucet would shut itself off and not stopping to dry of my hands or face. I saw she was still sitting there, drinking the wine from my dates glass. She turned and saw me, closed one eye and smiled.

She set facing the door, as sexy as a sinful dream. A pair of black Ferragamo’s peeked out under the table. Every curve shaped by a sculptor; Michelangelo couldn’t have made her any better. My mind went to dirty places. My thoughts would be considered ugly in conversation, so I stood still, enjoyed them for a second and made my way over to the table.

‘don’t you have other tables? I wondered to her.

‘I’m on a break… so you’ve slept together but you two never went out on a date… interesting?’

‘not so much interesting… convenient.’ She tipped the glass at me and said ‘you don’t mind, do you? I love this wine and I can’t let it go to waste or let you drink this whole bottle by yourself.’

‘please…. Help me.’ she glanced up to meet my eyes, her still soft eyes staring right thru me. I sat both of my hands onto the table. I locked my fingers into prayer and bowed my head at her. She poured some of the bottle into my empty glass and splashed an ounce or two in hers. ‘can’t drink alone, right?’

‘you’re an angel’ I complimented her. She tilted her head back and finished the glass, patted me on the knee and stood up. ‘you’ll live’ she turned and headed back to the bar. I don’t think she approved of how I conduct my relationships. I sipped the wine, and wondered if it was my act of violence or my promiscuity that chased her away? Sincere kindness or the ability to understand live in contradiction is rare nowadays. Her face lacked worry yet strength.

Thoughts:

Men will always need women. Women do not always need a man.

One more drink and then I’ll leave. I notice My dates empty glass of wine across from me. ‘pity’…I thought… I can’t let it go to waste. I reached across the table and slipped two fingers between the stem and under the bowl of the glass. I took a drink and let the wine slowly sink down my throat. Why don’t I drink more wine? I thought. My mouth felt like a fruit basket. I closed my eyes and let my tongue lick my teeth.

She floated by me with a tray full of drinks and cheeks cherry red. I hope I don’t spend the next 8 hours thinking about her. She walked back to me and laid down my last drink down and the bill. I guess she was inviting me to leave. She moved quickly thru the room to her tables trying not to seem in a hurry. She didn’t know what I was, but she wanted away. Wine and whiskey don’t mix well. I chewed a piece of ice before I picked up my new drink.

I looked away from the glass and subconsciously my eyes went to her, the kind waitress. She was doing all she could not to notice me know. Not that fat fuck making a meal out of appetizers or the aged strippers having a reunion after many years on no contact. Or the heads full of eyes coyly following her around the room.

Maybe it was easier for her. She was too pretty not to have men constantly staring at or hitting on her all day wherever she decides to go. She learned long ago how to ignore wanting eyes. She seemed to be an expert at deflecting and walking with conscious obliviousness to the eyes that followed her. I wanted to look at here float across the sticky floor for a minute longer, but I forced my eyes back down so as not to be join/part of the parade of eyes following her around the room/already.

I concentrated on my breath and tried to clear my mind of anger, or pettiness, or lust or wants.

Thoughts:

The mind never goes silent.

‘so, what are you gonna do now that you slain the dragon instead of courting the princess?’ her voice came from behind me. I looked up but did not turn around.

‘maybe go back to the castle and play with my dragon…’ I laughed. I thought in context of our current conversation that it was funny. ‘I don’t know… it’s still early.’ I corrected my answer.

‘well, you don’t know much do ya?’

‘I don’t…. but I do know that.’

‘that’s true’ I could hear her cleaning the table behind me. ’I’d stay and help you with that bottle of wine but I gotta get back to work.’

‘well have fun’ she walked away.

‘I will’ I whispered to myself. I grabbed my wallet and pulled out more than enough to cover the bill and her kindness. I put it on the table and got up. I didn’t turn around to say goodbye… or thanks.

Damn, I thought…. I left that glass of wine.’

I’ll come back in a few days I thought, she might be worth it, and walked across the street.