Unrequited Love

Everybody is afraid of something. Whether we admit It or not. There is a fear in us all. We fear ghosts, we fear loneliness, we fear depression but what scares people the most is the fear of loving someone who is wrong for us. Unrequited love is giving all of what you have to somebody and they give nothing in return. There’s a saying you get what you give and in this rare instance, they break this. They make you feel empty after you pour everything out to them. They throw away the emotions you gave to them, they diminish the trust you put in them. The trust you put in the relationship they shatter and you are left there alone after they leave. Never feeling more alone in your life, an empty feeling that is hard to fill. A void that cannot be fixed with anything other than love. That to me is the scariest thing in life. Looking at someone and knowing I bare my soul with you and you gave it away and now the person you need to become is a hard-shelled un empathetic person who blocks out all feelings due to the pain that someone so close to you caused you. Those closest to you really do hurt you the most. An unfortunate lesson we learn from time to time that makes you realize that finding someone is worth It all. Worth the risk of putting It all out on the table is the most valuable thing in this world. Allowing them to see parts of you that nobody else could ever see and say “you are magnificent”. That is a feeling unlike any other. That is why I haven’t been afraid in a long time.

Is It the thought of getting hurt that stops people from wanting to feel again Or is it feeling something similar to what they have in the past and gotten hurt that scares them? We allow these past problems/people to block us from not only progressing past them in life but also blocking others from loving us because it creates this unintentional wall against them. They don’t mean for it to happen they just succumb to being so numb that when they don’t they pull back. The change from no emotions toward anything they can’t control to feeling an emotion due to someone else’s behavior. That is what we stray away from the most. Those people who Are cold and numb to those who are good and try to show them it’s okay will never be okay again. They never fully open up. They never fully connect. They remain a single entity no matter how bad they try. It’s not something they do on purpose or have control over they just feel safer in their built-up fortress that leaving is a foreign idea. That just doesn’t fit their plans. They aren’t broken. They aren’t damaged. They just need to be approached with caution. Do they see signs of things they don’t like? They pull back. Do they feel themselves getting to connected too quickly? They pull back. The problem with these people in the world is when two of them meet. They are aware of the things they look for. They show no to little emotion at all and if they feel for any reason that they care more than the other. They are out. They log out the emotions they do an immediate pull back and try and do things to make the other one like them more. It’s this game we call a relationship where one person needs to hold the power and It blossoms into an unhealthy relationship. This is what happens in almost all relationships due to those people who have hurt others. Due to those who created us cold, numb people. So thank You for making us create this fake sense of how everyone is out to get us and allowing us to never fully feel a real emotion one fucking time other than the cold numb feeling we all know so well called pulling back.

I just wish for once she would stop letting it get in the way and see I’m struggling too and I still trust her because I know the pain. I know the effort it takes. I realize I’m just not the person she can trust.