I am Latinx and White, a "mixed breed" with light skin, my skin tans easily in the sun. Having grown up in Southern California, playing and working outside, I grew up tanned most of the year, save a couple months when the weather got too cold for spaghetti straps and short shorts.
During the months when my skin was the lightest, I was treated with more respect and fetishized less (although the disrespect and fetishization never stopped entirely). I grew up with my mom and her partner (both white) and experienced demoralization constantly while I was in the house and my non-existent self esteem dropped lower and lower every day. Throughout my life, in the early stages and up until the present, almost all of the people who have lifted me up, helped me rebuild my broken confidence, and showed me the most genuine love, have been black.
This is one of the biggest reasons why, every day, I pray that I am able to have the insight to spot injustices (no matter how small, microaggressions have been accumulating in our society for decades) and the courage to speak up for those who are being insulted, belittled, and disrespected. I pray to have the strength to defend those who have less privilege and are looked down upon because of the color of their skin, in particular my friends and family, but also people in general. I pray every day to be able to live up to these ideals of mine so that when I am in a situation that requires me to speak up, taking action is already programed into my subconscious. Admittedly this is easier said than done. When I miss an opportunity to speak up I can only build my resolve for the next time (unfortunately there will certainly be a next time). However this is a story about one of my successes in this regard.
I was at a QuickTrip gas station with my good friend who is Afro-Latino (or Black and Latino depending on who you are talking to). We went into the gas station to put money on a pump and get some water and snacks. We passed by a couple stocky men of medium height, one was White and one was Asian. They were talking amongst themselves about some sports team. Apparently they wanted to ask my friend his opinion and proceeded to call out to him.
"Hey, boy!" They started, I took a deep breath and faced them.
"That was really disrespectful." I said as I looked them straight in the eyes. The White guy said "What?!"
I responded,"The way you just called him boy, it was very disrespectful."
He stammered, "Ohh, uhh, I'm sorry." I guess he wasn't used to people calling him out.
Although he did apologize, it still felt oppressive. It seemed that the whole South was pressing down on me, and in my experience white supremacy had never felt as tangible as it did in that moment (and it is my privilege to not have to feel it so heavily every single day as I am sure some people do). I looked down and to the side, then the white guy looked at my friend and said "I'm sorry." My friend said it was cool and I could tell from his tone that he felt the same oppressiveness as I did.
We continued to get our stuff and as we walked up to the counter, the two men were standing there looking at us. As my friend payed, I made eye contact with them and smiled at them thinly. My exterior looked calm, cool, and collected but inside my heart was pounding. We were slightly north of the Atlanta city limit and the workers in that QuickTrip were White that day. I was acutely aware that the two men could jump us and suffer little to no repercussions. Luckily they went out of the back door, we were parked out front and exited the opposite way. I didn't calm down until we had safely gotten on I-85 South, en route back towards the city.
Neither of us spoke about it. After all it was what I should do, rather what people with light and white skin should do, use their privilege to speak up, and to defend. We should fight to break the generational curse that most fair skinned people have of being comfortable because of their own privilege and staying silent and complacent because the comfort is too nice to give up.
I am proud of myself for speaking up, although I know I still have a long way to go in terms of responding to this type of common incident. I am ashamed to have felt fear and also to have let that oppressive feeling make me break eye contact. However, this is an instance in my life where, not only did my true, authentic self shine through, but my ideal self did as well.
I'm happy I am able to share this, but I am, by no means, boasting. This is a small step that I have taken towards living every second of every day fighting for the black and brown people who have impacted my life in such a crucial way, as well as the black and brown people who have impacted our whole society in a positive way. In fighting for the melanated people I know and love, I also accept the task of fighting for all black and brown people who are, and who have been.
I do not accept living in a world that prioritizes light skin and white skin. I do not accept living in a world that tears melanin down instead of recognizing its beauty and uplifting it. I accept the task of educating and correcting people of light and white skin in my own family and in the world at large. I will always use my privilege to protect and uplift people who are oppressed because of skin color and race and I will only get better at it as time goes on.
If you felt inspired, touched, or thought "I would have done the same thing" if put in a similar situation, I hope that you join this daily, lifelong fight.
About the Creator
Xiomara Anais
Non Binary. Born and raised in the city of the angels. I have been writing since I learned how to hold a pen.
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