Top 5 Thing's I Wish Before I Had My Heart Broken

Everyone get's their heart broken at some point. There are thousands of song, books, films and rubbish poetry written about it, so you'd think we'd be better equipped to deal with it. Apparently not, I'd like to lie and say I threw myself into work re-invented my character and now I'm a lot slimmer and funnier because of it. That's what I'd like to be typing, but that would not be the truth. A little context. I loved the man, we'd been together coming up four years but I could feel that the heart break was on it's way. I knew before he did but in no way did I get ready, besides secretly removing my thing's from his apartment months on end. Arguments after arguments and a sock of mine would go missing, my perfume mysteriously ended back at mine and finally my tooth brush. Gone. I wasn't against bringing it back, I was just never given the opportunity. When you know, you know. It's like being in an earthquake, everything around you is rattling falling out of place and all you can do is hope that it'll get better or at least the plates won't totally smash into pieces. It's been two months since that hopeless text (how very gen z) and this is what I know now. Just about.

1. People will have opinions of your ex, not all of them good.

People will tell you everything they thought about your ex to your face. The opinions they once had would have changed over time and right now is the perfect time to tell you. You aren't going to run away to your ex and tell them the tea behind your friends behaviour and your friend won't have to deal with you telling him and awkwardly encountering each other in the kitchen at a party or after a long night out. There will be people gunning to be honest. If even honesty is the last thing you want to hear. You don't want to hear from everyone else how angry he made you after that argument, how you seem happier without them and how much better you deserve. None of this is what you want to hear, but you should. The people being honest are the one's that care the most. Not the relatives that like a status or change of relationship setting on Facebook.

2. You might cry. A lot.

I cried so much for the first two weeks. I couldn't eat. All I did was sleep, I was well and truly depressed. A feeling that I have long dealt with and always very well, until my heart was smashed. I did a lot of crying, crying to exhaustion. Sometimes in the shower, which is exactly how the movies portray it. It felt rather nice. I enjoyed being allowed to be so upset, friends not asking why and just understanding that you're heartbroken. One day you'll wake up and you might cry once or twice during the day instead of every 2o minutes, that means you're getting better. You might cry at very odd times as well, more on that later.

3. Dating and Awkward Moments .

It doesn't matter how long it's been. Three days, Five months or Six years. You will start dating again, and you'll know when you're ready or you won't and there will be some awkward moments. My first date after the break up, was with a friend who I had through the first year of university. He was a player of sorts and had slept with more women then hot meals whilst arriving at his house to watch a movie I couldn't help but feel that I was just another knock on his never ending head board. We listened to music and kissed, I couldn't help but feel as though I wished I'd been with my ex. As we kissed a song I strongly associated with the relationship started playing loudly and I started crying. Nothing more awkward then shuffling back into your coat in tears explaining to someone that the kiss wasn't bad your just emotionally inept. Broken, in that moment and will soon be better. With the promise that when you are ready , they will be the first number you call. (I didn't)

4. Tinder.

I was in the relationship before I was old enough to use Tinder. Everyone is on Tinder, and everyone speaks so openly about it. It's a great place to meet new people and make new relationships in which ever form they come in. Tinder is a lot of swiping, people not messaging first whilst trying to be the best version of yourself in a Tinder bio. My Tinder bio was needy at first and I attracted almost no one, but then I changed it to be more caring a nudge at my love for literature and stroking hair and soon I had over 200 matches. Around 85 which messaged first, 10 awkward pick up lines, my favourite being "let's skip the drinks and jump straight to the point", two dates and one friendship which may involve a lot of heavy petting. Tinder is a jungle of different horny people just trying to fill a lonely evening with cuffing season round the corner I could see why Tinder is such a great place. Need to find a person to bring to a dinner party? Tinder. Need to find someone who's looking for a three-sum and cheap wine? Tinder. Are you looking for someone near by, who also just wants a shag and to forget your name? Tinder. Dating, I wouldn't say Tinder. Go to a bar, buy a cheap drink and wait till the right person ( for right now) comes along.

5. Other people will find you attractive and you'll find yourself sexier than ever.

For the first few days after the break up, I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see myself. I had lost a huge chunk of my life. My identity. The person looking back at me in the mirror was only a fraction of the person I had seen before. Then, I dyed my hair. I changed myself and finally I saw me. The strong, sexy, independent person who I had always been, I just didn't have a man in my shadow. I carried myself differently, held myself properly and for the first time walked with my back straight. I walk into the room and now demand attention. As a 5'9 women with boobs that walk into the room well before I do, that was never difficult. My new sense of self attracted interesting and complex men and women. Most importantly I became attracted to myself. I started to see what the rest of the world saw, and enjoyed it.

Breakups are a bitch. They hurt and burn, it feels like it may never end and in those weeks you fell as though it's all ending. My advice, give yourself a deadline for grief. Cry for the first week, return to school or work in the second and in the third whatever hobbies you now have. Listen to the music you didn't like before, the lyrics might hit differently and the tunes might make you dance like you never had before.