Toast

I feel as though every day is a blessing. Some, well, some more than others. Some days are filled with laughter, spontaneity, love. While others are lonely, cold, boring.

This day, however, was somewhere in-between. A lot of good came from this day, but it started off as any other. Honestly, it began in frustration.

I dragged myself out of bed, went to the bathroom, got dressed, it was peaceful, quiet. I made breakfast, eggs and bacon, just like every morning. I love the simple, reliable things in life. When I went to make toast, there was no bread. I thought that I had just gotten a loaf. I scoffed to myself. I try to not let little things bug me, it's just at that point, I had been forgetting a lot. My mind wasn't what it used to be. But, I live right by the market. I reluctantly put my plate in the oven to keep it warm and headed down the sidewalk into the cold.

I often think about what would have happened if I decided I didn’t need that toast, if I had given into my stubbornness and decided to eat my meal without my classic side of toast. I mean, it’s just toast, I could have gone one day without it and the world would still turn, birds would still sing, and I’d live to see the next day.

I walked into the store and knew what I wanted and the most efficient way to get there, get it, and go home. I like being efficient, I liked living every moment as if I was in a race, I didn't like feeling as though I was wasting time.

I made my way to the bread aisle, picked out a plump nine-grain loaf, and began walking to checkout. I purchased my bread and was about to leave the store but decided I would stop and get a lottery ticket or two. I thought “I’m 86, if I want a lottery ticket, I’m gonna get one. Maybe I’ll even get my money back.”

I never win anything, raffles, auctions, even as a kid, if I was on the baseball team, we would lose. My teammates made jokes about trying to get me to transfer schools, boost their odds I guess. I mean, really, I didn’t even have to play, I would sit on the bench and we would still lose. Anyways, I’m getting off topic.

So I buy three tickets, just randomly, I just pick the ones I think look cool. I shove them in my pocket with the receipt from my bread and walk home. I would drive, but it is so close and my car broke down. Oh well, it’s not like I have many places to go. I mostly stay home and work in my garden or watch CDs of my favorite childhood cartoons. I don’t find them as entertaining now, but it is nice to remember my youth. Since remembering is something I’ve had trouble with these days. My children come to visit and I get them confused with each other. Just another perk to growing old. Even as I write I seem to lose my train of thought.

Where was I? Right, I get home and make the toast, put a square of butter on, and spread. I get my plate out of the oven and sit down at the table. My table is by the window so I can watch the birds and squirrels on the bird feeder. I liked keeping them company since they returned the favor.

I finished my food and checked to see what’s on the television. Just some news, god I hate the news. Just a bunch of people saying the same thing over and over. And people think I’m losing my mind? At least I’m not out saying the same things everyone else is saying and pretending like I came up with it.

I decide to go out and walk around my yard, I water my flowers and harvest some vegetables. Not many, just a few. When I went back inside I wrote what I harvested down in my trusty black book of food. I like to keep an eye on how my fruits and vegetables are growing. Just something to do. I set the book back on the kitchen shelf, when I felt something poking my leg. I realized I still had the lottery tickets and my receipt in my pocket. I threw out the receipt and sat down with the tickets to scratch them off. I thought, “Ya know, I could just throw these away now and not have to collect the scraps that will fall off from scratching them.” But I didn’t, I grabbed a quarter from my change bowl and began scratching them.

“Alright, I’m looking for a 3….18…. and.. 45” I thought. I scratched off the squares one by one. And, yep, nothing. That was okay, I really just do this for fun. I scratched the second card and… nada. Oh well, no big deal. I grabbed the third card and was looking for a 4, 52, and 32. I scratched off the first square, “Hey! It’s a 32! Usually I don’t even get a single number, so this was a win in itself.” I kept scratching and a couple more down I got a 4. I thought, “Well that’s somethin’, I got twenty bucks.” And boy was I happy. I mean, this must’ve been the first time in my whole life I’d ever actually won something. I kept scratching off the ticket, just for fun. And I was about to scratch off the last box when I thought “Huh, how cool would it be if I won?” Ya know, I’m not a religious man, but for a second I prayed. Not a long prayer, more of a “Hey, God, wanna give me a ton of money?” kind of prayer. I revealed the last number and, well, it was a 52. I sat back in my chair, even laughed a bit. Then it hit me, “Did I just.. Win?” I thought. I fumbled for my glasses to take a better look at the numbers. I put them on and picked up the card, my hands shook as I reread the numbers. I must’ve reread that card twenty times. Every time I saw the numbers, 32, 4, 52. I set my glasses on the table and let the thoughts in my head swirl around like leaves in a hurricane, too many to keep track of, but all very much present. But, then I realized, I was getting ahead of myself, I didn’t even know how much I had won. My eyes scanned to the top of the card and I saw the prize. “Twenty-thousand dollars” I thought, then, suddenly, I wasn’t thinking anymore, I was talking to myself. Alone in my home and speaking aloud only for the sake of hearing the words I was, only a moment ago thinking. I said out loud, “Twenty-thousand dollars! Woo hoo!” I said “woo hoo”, it is a silly thing to remember, but I think it is a funny detail.

I really wasn’t sure what to do. How would I even get the money? It felt weird that I could show someone I had never met a piece of paper with arbitrary numbers on it that meant “I get twenty thousand dollars now, thanks”. How could I look someone in the eyes and demand this money that I did nothing for. Who knows, maybe they deserve it more. Who was I to take that money?

On the other hand, I thought of all the things I could do with that much money. I could pay off my mortgage, buy a new TV, renovate my house, grow my garden, split it up between my children… I could do so much. I made my decision. I knew what I was going to do.

I got my things ready, grabbed the ticket and folded it to fit better in my pocket. I went to the market and showed them the winning ticket and they told me to go to the state’s lottery office. I had to call someone. I didn’t want to call my family just yet. I called a taxi. The car ride was short, ten to fifteen minutes. When I got to the office I waited in line for a few minutes. They verified the ticket’s authenticity and congratulated me. “How strange” I thought, strange to congratulate me for something random. I thanked them and left with a check. I had the driver wait for me, when I got back outside I had her take me to the bank. I deposited the check and got five thousand in cash. I got back into the cab and went home. I paid the woman in cash, even gave her a little extra. I figured she probably didn’t make much. I thought five hundred would be a happy surprise. She kept thanking me, even tried to give it back, I, of course, declined and explained that since I had not had it this morning, I didn't really need it now. She seemed confused, but mostly happy. I closed the door and went back into my home.

For the next couple of months I continued giving out tips that were, well, on the larger side. I bought groceries in bulk and gave out boxes of food to anyone I saw who was in need. I bought diapers for women’s shelters. I tried to use this money unselfishly. I did not feel as though it was my money to use however I liked, even though that was precisely what I was doing. I gave money to my children, they seemed more surprised than I was when they found out I won something, especially this. Nonetheless, they were grateful. My son started his own small business, my oldest daughter bought a new bike for my grandson, and my youngest daughter was able to get the wedding dress she loved. Then all three of them did something so kind. They chipped in and got me a used car. They knew I didn’t want to spend the money on myself, so they did.

I was given a gift. I was able to help the people I love, the people around me, and people I didn’t even know. The gift I was given that day was not twenty-thousand dollars, I was given the gift to help. In the last five years of my life, I saw lives change around me. I saw passion, love, and excitement bloom from those random numbers.

I lived a full life and died knowing two things. One: it is not what you are given that matters, it is what you do with it. And two: if you run out of bread for your toast, go buy a loaf and a couple of lottery tickets.