To the Strongest Young Woman I Know

My dearest friend A,

A because I’m keeping your identity a secret. I’ve known you for four years now, and it never ceases to amaze me how close we are in such a short time, and how strong you are. You don’t even know it, but in the short amount of time you’ve been on this earth you’ve managed to endure hardships others will never know, and still you keep a smile on your face and love in your heart.

I think of you as a younger sister, not only because you’re the same age as my younger sister, but because we are simply that close. Our life experiences are oddly similar, separated by years and order of occurrence. We relate well. Things I’ve done you’re doing; things you’ve survived long ago I have only just gotten over.

We met at school. We were both in a class with a professor who waves his hands to make everyone think he’s smart while everyone was confused by what he was saying and questioning if he understood it himself. It was a horrible university, and for all the years I’d been studying there, I truly believe you got the worse experience.

First impressions – you were cute, and clearly cold in the freezing classrooms (hey, maybe instead of overspending on A/C, universities could invest in their students!). Mostly, you looked interesting. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought so since you picked up a stalker. I could tell he made you uncomfortable, following you around constantly, but I didn’t know how to help. It was only as you were nearly done with your M.S. degree about 2 years later that you let me know you had taken out a restraining order on him. I’m glad that he no longer bothers you. In the times I had seen him since, he looked worse for the wear. I hold no respect or empathy for a man who cannot respect boundaries, so I hope you took comfort in the just desserts.

Life got hard for you. You were struggling with student loans as an out of state student, and ended up in an abusive laboratory for the tuition reimbursement and stipend. You were overworked and it showed in your eye bags, but still you held your head high, smiled, and stood up for yourself. I’m so glad you never gave up, that you persisted, completed the accomplishment, and left.

I found out that you were in this laboratory while dealing with a death in the family, and the legal/financial maze that ensued. Your mentor was very unkind, and still you persisted to balance your personal and work lives. I’m so grateful that you made the choices that left you with no regrets or residual grief.

In 2020 I fessed up to you what a difficult time my 2019 was. Turns out, you had gone through similar experiences in the past, and you told me it would take a long time and I’d be okay. You were right. That same year you were able to leave to an opportunity. Difficult though it has been, you’ve been healing from your lab experience, and making great financial choices. Your priorities are always in the right place.

I can’t wait for you to realize just how strong you are. I reassure you that you’re doing well every now and then, give some advice about finances and relationships (not that I’m one to talk there). Once you do, you’ll know exactly what you deserve and be unstoppable. What’s most amazing is how pretty your smile is, and how much love you give. You’re a positive force in the world, in spite of, or perhaps because of everything you’ve endured as a child and as an adult.

XO,

Felicia