To the Person Who Paid for My Drive Thru Order

I’m not sure what compelled you towards a random act of kindness. There are a few possibilities I’ve come up with. One, you just received a raise at work and had the cash to spare. Two, we’re at the beginning of a pandemic and a coping mechanism for you is to put as much kindness into the world as possible. Three, you looked in your rearview mirror and you could see me crying. Head tilted back, chest heaving, hands running over my blotchy face, trying to compose myself quickly before pulling up to the next window. I don’t have the answer and I never will.

Dear stranger, I was on my way back home from visiting my family. Seeing them was wonderful, but the events and information from the trip were not pleasant. It was one awful thing after another and I have never felt so low. I still can’t seem to catch my breath. I was informed my grandfather has alzheimers and my uncle is in the hospital in critical condition. How much time he has left is uncertain and I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. My entire family is barely holding it together. My mother and brother hugged me the tightest as I said goodbye; I knew they wanted me to stay. I pretended not to notice the tears welling up in my mother’s eyes when we pulled away. She knew I was hurting and I knew she was, too. Neither of us could help each other, and that is the worst part. I didn’t want to leave. I almost called my job to quit right then just to stay with them. My god did I want to stay with them. I miss them every day and each time I say goodbye it hurts a little more.

With tears in my eyes, stranger, I pulled into the Starbucks drive thru to attempt to cheer myself up. I held it together long enough to order, but the second I pulled forward I lost it. I was thankful for the hold up in the line because it gave me enough time to pull myself together. With a loose grip around my composure, I handed my card over to the person working the drive thru. They shook their head and with a smile and told me what you had done.

There was a look in their eyes that I can’t quite explain, not even now. It was evident what sort of state I was in; I am never one to be able to hide my emotions well. The look they gave me could almost be identified as relief. Relief that the act of kindness you put into the world was, in their eyes, to someone who needed it most.

I began to cry. It was embarrassing, I will admit that, crying over the fact that someone else paid for my drink. However, with everything going on, I just needed something. I apologized to them for crying, they reassured me that it was okay, handed my order to me, and told me to have a wonderful day.

I know you will never think of this day again, stranger. I know you will never recall paying for my order because to you, it was nothing. Just a small act in a world where gestures like that often go unnoticed. I want to reassure you it did not, and never will go unnoticed.

I do hope, somehow, you know that was the best six dollars you could’ve ever spent.

Thank you.