To The Man I Love

To the man I love. I hope one day you’ll read this and know it’s true, I love you beyond a shadow of a doubt otherwise I wouldn't be writing this about you. I want you to know one very important I am eternally grateful that I found you. It’s because of you that in the last four years of my life of being with you has been the happiest I’ve ever been. Even though we met a decade ago and found each other again seven years later all over again I still feel like I have known you my whole life and multiple lifetimes. In the last four years of my life I have seen so many beautiful changes within myself to where I am a whole new woman.

But this year has been the most difficult out of all of them, and I am so grateful that you were there by my side to get me through it. I ran away from toxic people only to be dragged in again and be around them when I didn’t want to ever see them again, and I hate the fact I was forced yet again to be around it. It’s ridiculous when I’m a grown adult and I’m being forced around people that brought so much pain and sorrow into my life instead of love which is the only thing I ever ask for.

In the end you reminded me of my resilience and that I am strong enough to face any challenge or battle that is thrown at me. With you reminding me what I am capable of I now know I can face anything. From that this was the last test of my strength which was to face those that brought the hurt and pain on my heart. I’ve faced the toxic family and the people I met through my school years, and I am proud I was able to show them a side of me they never saw before. I went from being a shy quiet scared little girl to the strong confident and courageous woman you and a few others that love me knew I have always been. Even when I didn’t know it you did, you didn’t push me to get to where I am, but it was the love and support you gave me that helped give me the strength I needed.

When you’ve fallen in love with someone it changes you. I know now that when you are loved the right way and when you start to see the best of you come out at last that’s how you know you have found the right person; and you did just that you completely brought out the best of me.

My love you have no idea how many times I wish I had met you first but, at least I can say you are the first person I have ever truly loved. To me you are irreplaceable, and with each day that passes I could not imagine a single day or night without you. The first person I met, I thought I knew what love is but, I was wrong because he hurt me just as bad as the others that broke my heart. But I am very proud to say you have never broken my heart. Before you my heart was broken and empty and I had so many bumps and turns along the way, and there was a sense of not knowing for a long time if I would ever see the light. Then just like that all the darkness, pain and sorrow quickly faded away out of existence and now at last I see the light.

I know that you’ve had equally the same number of hardships just like me, and I’m glad that I was able to be by your side in those moments when you needed someone. Because of that it showed how much we both do care about each other, and how much we don’t want to see the other hurting. We both are finally breaking free from the shadows of our pasts that can never weigh us down again, and now we are both becoming optimistic to a bright future. Most of all the influence from others could never tear us apart.

I love the woman I have become because of you. I never realized to that I also had to learn to love myself as well, and if I hadn’t embraced myself as well, I would have never known who I was on the inside and who I want to be. I am now able to have a voice and say what I know that’s wrong and right. I am not afraid to face a crowd of people anywhere I go. I’m not scared to face old and new foes, and if I can face and stand up to them then I know I can always face the world that could never break me or my spirit. In this long journey I have now finally realized that its not about wanting to run away from the past but, what you want to run toward. I now know what road I’m heading toward and if there is one thing I ever want to run toward is to you Alec each and every day. You are the only man I want to kiss and to love forever. I promise to always be there for you like you have always been there for me. I will always be your rock as we both continue to move through this endless sea of life. You even told me “We've been through so much, and there's probably more to come. But as long as we have each other, as long as we stand together, I believe we can weather any storm.” Which is true because if we can face one storm, we can face a thousand together. I love you always, Joanna <3