To Put Beauty Into The World

Crafts are not always crafts especially not for me. I’m sure by this point you have heard the phrase “healthy coping mechanism”, may even have some yourself. Now a healthy coping mechanism can be and mean different things for different people. For me a healthy coping mechanism is something that let me put beauty into the world even when I didn’t feel beautiful.

Now I’ve crafted all my life, I learned how to crochet a very uneven chain when I was 4 and by the time I was 6 I could make a very uneven scarf. I'd spend hours on the floor with buckets of pony beads making those little beaded snakes I’m sure you remember from your childhood. By the time I was 10 I was working on a bead loom with some seed beads I’d pick up from the local bead shop. As I’m sure you can now tell crafting has been an integral part of my childhood that helped shape who I am today.

Fast forward to my teen years I laid off the crafts, though I still had drawers and totes full of crafting material that I was never able to part with. After all even though I didn’t spend a lot of time with them anymore crafts were a part of who I was. Now when I was 13 was when I had first heard the term “healthy coping mechanism”. I heard it during group therapy at the mental hospital I was admitted to after my first suicide attempt. The therapist went from person to person and asked them to share what their idea of a healthy coping mechanism was. When it got to me I wasn’t sure how to answer, it was my first day here, I was surrounded by unfamiliar people and the only thing that came to mind for me to share with the group was “something that let me put beauty into the world even when I didn’t feel beautiful”. I did not realize how much that statement would impact the rest of my life.

When I got home after 2 weeks there one of the first things I did was pull out my old crafting materials and take a quick inventory of all the supplies I had. The collection was measly and much smaller than I remember it being but the first thing I did was start beading. I had some nice glass beads that I’ve had for years from family members at holidays or when I’d be allowed to pick out something at the store. I went into town the next day and picked up a couple of jewelry findings so I could put together some earrings and bracelets. Within the week I went through all my findings and had a box of earrings and bracelets that I was SO proud of. I gave my grandmas bracelets, earrings, even passed some out to some of my friends at school and people loved them! I quickly went out and got more findings, and quickly after that more beads until I had more jewelry than I knew what to do with but I still wanted to make more.

When I went to my first outpatient therapy with my new therapist they asked how I had been feeling, and if I had found any healthy coping mechanisms that worked for me. I lifted my sleeve and showed her this cute little dice bracelet I had made myself and moved my hair to show her the little matching dice earrings that I was so proud of. She asked me why I enjoyed making them so much and how creating these helped my mental health. I looked at her and for the second time in my life I delivered my new motto of putting beauty into the world.

I spent about 2 years creating on and off but eventually started to slow down on it, I wasn’t old enough to hold a job yet, couldn’t get a huge influx of crafting materials and high school was a stressful place. The second year I spent a couple of months in the mental hospital once again. Shortly after I got out of there for the second and last time I got my first job and that was a game changer. I got my first check and shortly after went to a hobby lobby for the first time in my life. I left there minus my first check but with bags upon bags of beads. We were back in business.

I got home with my haul and got to crafting. Within the first week I made easily 100 pairs of earrings, and by the end of my first month I had my first drawer completely full of handcrafted items. It was shortly after this that I signed up for my first craft fair and the number of people who visited my booth was my biggest motivator to go further with my crafts. I started crocheting again once that fall hit, made a couple batches of cold process soap, lotion bars, and of course more jewelry. My bedroom was more of a craft room with a bed in it at this point but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

The more crafts I did the happier I was, the better I felt in my own skin, and I felt like I had a future. Looking at all these beautiful things I could make with nothing but some string, or beads and wire, or a handful of different kinds of oils, it gave me a sense of purpose, and I once again felt like the life I was living was not only my own but worth living.

Shortly after I graduated high school I started working on my first blanket which was a Christmas present for my now fiancee. Up until this point all I’ve crocheted is scarves, ear warmers, and a couple of dish rags, never something this big. Crocheting was something I did the least up until this point, other crafts had more of an immediate gratification that really helped me with my mental health. Little did I know this blanket would kick start a passion for yarns I never thought I would have.

Fast forward once again about 5 more years and I now run a website for the crochet patterns that I design, and I’ve never had something feel more satisfying to me. Not only am I creating physical objects to share with the people around me but I’m putting these patterns out into the world that helps others share their beauty as well.

If it wasn’t for that simple innocent question asked during my first day of group therapy I may not have been here today to tell this story. The story of what drives me to put beauty into the world.