To be continued

MJV

On August 8 at 5:04 am and amazing creature entered this world. My father’s first blood daughter he had a lot of daughters before me which I respected and he conveyed to me like they are tour sisters their isn’t no such thing as halves or step in my family and I dealt with it the best way I could. My mother always was the lion even though she is a Gemini. My father was a cub even though he was a Leo.

Every book that you will ever get from me will be encouraging because I think God wants me to provide laughter even though I’m in pain.

Throughout this lifetime a lot of people have embraced what is me and I have shown them a different way of life. I don’t think when I speak I just say whatever is on my mind and I let that be but as a child I kept it all in my head and laugh at those that wasn’t understanding or comprehending me without any compromising.

My biggest issue is that I am so loyal to someone and when they constantly disrespect me I just have to let them go so they can fully understand. My mother always told me why chase and don’t kiss no ones butt. But politics in the workplace and life sometimes you have to keep it classy so you won’t have to show you assy.

I have a terrible time at focusing but when I tell my psychiatrist about it she says I am fine so it’s hard for me to get back at the task I am currently convey to you.

I grew up in a small town in Illinois and being American of African, Irish, Scottish, and Native American descent. Every time someone says something crazy or out of the ordinary like how could you be mixed with that and I gladly explain my mother is an immigrant and my father was a sharecropper they can look at all the other lines themselves. It is just kind of difficult when you are trying to tell your friends or co-workers of my lineage and they give me eye contact and says bitch you lying. I was at a restaurant with my high school friends and we talking about getting passports and I’m like I already got mines and the only person that I am going overseas to see is my grandmother. They looked at me like you don’t want to go to Mexico or to Africa and in my head I’m like I work like a slave already and I don’t make that much to do any of that so Jamaica is hot like Mexico and Africa. Then I say some outlandish stuff like I date Hispanics and Africans and I can live through them because my change is strange and I am broker than a 2 cents hoe during happy hour.

Why when God or your higher power will give you a sign? Why don’t we acknowledge our worth? I know that the aliens on other planets looking at the channels skipping through each of all the people’s life on the planet earth and say these are some primitive motherfuckers. I know as a human we think that we are smarter like we will know what the future will hold but even as a child when we refuse to listen to our ancestors we tend to fall into the trap or even repeat a few cycles of it. Some say consequences provide great lessons on learning a task from trial and error but shit how my mind works like it doesn’t understand at all.

The first story that I want to share something that happened recently I was in my room laying down and However, I thought my friend and I was best friends when that woman told me via Meta book that we wasn’t and I was so confused because I felt like she was cheating on me and I was living a lie. Then I had to tell myself don’t worry she was only around when she wanted to be that friend then going through life stories and looking at different situations where we was in middle school and she told me something that another friend said and then it was back to back things that I didn’t understand as a child and looking back at it as an adult and I’m like was my mom right about these ladies wasn’t my friend at all. To me at this time loyalty wasn’t about half stepping and I figured that this person was always half stepping and not understanding what it means to actually be a friend from my perspective.

But later in my journey God has bought me some awesome friends that truly have been there for me and encouraged me to be the best.

I started a job that I have applied for each year for over a decade and when they finally was desperate enough to give me a chance I made sure they regretted not hiring me long before. When I actually try I am a really hard worker but after a while I get bored or lose focus and I am like oh I need to go the Lord is telling me this isn’t for me. I don’t like to say shot because I worked in a substance abuse facilities and didn’t want to trigger anyone though they say my first name triggers everyone. But if you are ready to change regardless of anything in your path you will fight your way to get to where you need to go. Through all of the various jobs I had I witnessed a lot of hilarious things that I have done and said that through these years have brought me so much joy even with sadness tears. What sadness tears to me is when your heart is just hurting and you are emotionally strained and the only thing that would keep you afloat is to think of the amazing people that I have met and to laugh at some of the craziest events that have changed my whole life into what is seen today. Once a broken person who lost her mother at an age where her adult life was just beginning where in her mind that her life felt like it was ending. Following so many paths by understanding what is for me and comprehending the things that is not for me and understanding that it’s okay to feel that way and it’s not weak to feel that way.

The shape of you and you and you but their is so much that shaped me in my life is the way that I was created and molded into someone who is just as amazing as the humans that surrounded her.