Randomly Communicating

I am far from good at writing my mother was an Jamaican immigrant that spoke patois all day and my father was a sharecropper from Mississippi. My mother raised me with what she had and my father spoke to me on his terms and at times thought that I had to submit. What is submission? When it is your child acting in a way of protecting you from harm of others? How to know the boundaries of what is best for them to know and how to separate the two? But who knows besides what’s withering within.

While growing up being formed between two worlds that was different and the same. The color of my skin defines who I am in the country where I stay and my mannerism depending on the individuals with the same skin tone as me would define me as one of them who tries to be something that she doesn’t understand but as defined as her surroundings more than her face.

My face in the United States of America is a tricky subject but with communication deficits and not being able to understand social cues in a way as a skill of functioning is very difficult.

Understanding the words that I want to say but do I say it in Patois or should I say it in the broken English that is engrained into my subconscious. Speech and English classes was supposed to connect the dots but with acting skills of faking it until I make it was helping me pass in a society that was constantly changing for either the best or for the worst.

How should I go about the world with a learning disability that define language internally different when I am unable to understand or get it at times. When jokes are over my head and after someone says it multiple times these jokes are still over my head so what should I do or even how should I approach it from a different viewpoint where I am not criticizing myself for something I am unable to understand to the fullest.

Words words words without meaning doesn’t mean anything at all but the anxiety from these words means something to the ones who is receiving it. What is it when the person doesn’t know how to preceive it nor understand it. Are they truly disabled if they don’t have the physical signs that are typically showed from the eyes of others.

Some say that eyes are deceiving as the heart is too and the heart that’s within the legs sees something new and perceive that is love too. So what is actually love when the person only sees what’s between the legs and not what’s in the mind.

The heart between the legs shows the mind that it is love and that’s where the lust begins and with no ending the games and the lies starts but how can you see them when you are so focused on the heart between the legs and not the one controlled with your mind.

Random thoughts and phrases that works like hexes and tantalizing the mind in a way which curses you forever from just one day. Throughout my life I always been so liery of people and their intentions that I would think that something was fake and it actually was real. Such as friendships that was supposed to be near and dear by lasting forever but only last for moments which serve as life lessons. Is it life plan when the music stops and the record continues to go by constantly playing over and over it’s a man’s world by James Brown.