Thoughts of a College Student

Looking around my surroundings, I often find myself in amazement at life. It’s finally fall, and the temperature is falling, and it’s the perfect time to enjoy a coffee while watching the leaves fall. I’m a current freshman at a southern university, and around this time, I’m reminded of how beautiful the change of the seasons is. The luscious green leaves slowly turn into a crispy golden brown. They crackle under each step, and it brings me a sense of peace. Though how can I feel at peace when there’s so much change around me?

I believe it’s human nature that we find comfort in predictability. Knowing that it’s November and it’s feeling colder is something that I’m used to, but what happens when I realize it’s November? It’s November, and this is the first time the temperature dips below the 70s. It’s a sign of many things, but more importantly, it's a novelty. I shouldn’t be surprised it’s cold. It should've been cold a long time ago, yet it’s always surprising when that cold breeze hits your face in the morning.

This is so much more than just Fall weather, though. It’s about one of the first major lessons I’ve learned while at college. For the longest time, I had in my head the perfect college life, getting up by 8 am, going to class, getting lunch, doing some homework, working out, and finally going to sleep. I truly believed that’s what a good college life was meant to be. It’s not, though. I’ve found that those periods where everything is in a routine quickly bore me. In fact, the most memorable moments in my college career aren’t the ones where I pass an exam or where I learn a new subject. It’s when I’m in my dorm and my roommate calls me, telling me he’s out of toilet paper. It’s the novelty that I’ve come to love about college.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to have a routine and build amazing habits, but life cannot be all about these routines. I recently caught up with a friend, and he had told me he planned on working all through winter break. He also planned on living out of his car for that time period. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and I asked him why he wanted it so bad. He told me that he couldn’t shake off that routine in his life. He loved working and loved just eating, working, sleeping. I told him that it was a crazy idea and he should enjoy the simple pleasures in life, but he just refused over and over again.

I thought he was crazy, but I believe we all have that same issue to a degree. We all have that one habit that truly describes us. Since that conversation, I’ve thought about what my routine that I can’t break is, and at first I thought I didn’t have one. Funny enough, I do. My routine is that I need to decide everything for my day. No matter what or where I am, I have to decide everything I’m going to do for the day before I get out of bed. I literally don’t have the willpower to get out of bed if I don’t. It’s odd to say the least, but I think these routines say a lot about the humanity in each of us.

Our self is formed in our actions and decisions. Some of these actions are repetitive and need to be done so that we can have the little wins throughout our day. Some of these things are habits we’ve trapped ourselves into in order to get away from true freedom. The freedom to choose and do as we please, but I believe that by understanding this, we can understand ourselves better. When we finally find that one quirk that we can’t get rid of in our life, then we have found our idyllic self. The cycles we wish are broken, the mundane in our life, this is the self that we have created. This can be better understood through the life cycle of leaves. When spring starts, the leaves sprout and grow throughout summer. Eventually, they turn yellow and brown and fall off the trees. The leaf will always be a leaf. No matter what happens, it will always have some resemblance to its initial form. Though it’s always looking for change. Similarly, we will always have a part of us that will never change. A sense of self that will always be there, yet we still wish for novelty.

I only have one question as I watch the leaves fall. What will happen when I decide I don’t wish to change anymore? Will I then be the idyllic me, or will I have strayed so far from my original self that I will no longer recognize myself?