This is Your Year

New Years Eve parties are always so internally embarrassing. Everyone is always throwing around that one question, the question we are expected to have an answer for, but usually just lie.

"So Emma, what's your New Years Resolution this year?"

"Oh you know, I will try and go to the gym more. Be more conscious of the food I eat. I really want a healthier, more productive year!"

Then, you spend the next few months getting takeout three times a week, and stocking your fridge full of the foods you love, but not the ones your body does. You look in the mirror sometime in March and think to yourself, "So much for my New Years Resolution!" You curse yourself for failing so quickly, and you continue on with those bad habits; because whats even the point now?

So this year, I want to start small.

Make myself proper grocery lists so that when I go to the grocery store hungry, I don't just get all the things that catch my eye. Maybe vacuum the house at least twice a week, easy tasks that blossom good habits.

This year I want to make time for the things I love. I want to write more, I want to paint more, I want to read more. I will remind myself not to use the phrase "I have to". I will try and explore the places I have always wanted to go, and try and make the foods I have always wanted to eat.

This year I will not resolve to things I cannot accomplish, I will only set myself up for success. I will not be embarrassed when I don't complete huge tasks, and in January, I will not feel down when I chose fries over a salad.

I will make this year my year, by choosing to sleep if I am too tired, by watching my TV show instead of going for a walk if I feel like it. I will do what makes me happy, when it makes me happy. So that at the end of next year, when I start to think of another resolution, the big ones won't seem as far out of reach. I will look back at all the minuscule things I accomplished, and I will smile.

By starting small, I will be able to achieve milestones and create new ones. I will tell myself to walk to the mailbox and back every day or so, instead of trying to train for a marathon that I will never enter in.

I will learn how to make a new kind of coffee every month, I will not buy an entire barista bar and leave it sitting there for 11 months.

I will start small by sleeping longer, and doing simple tasks like washing my face before bed. I will relish in the soft clean sheets because I chose to prioritize my sleep; and now I will wash my bedding every few days. Surround myself with comfort, with coziness, and with self love.

I will build a better relationship with myself and my goals, by only setting ones that I know I can achieve. At least until I am ready for more of a challenge. I will choose to read a book before bed, instead of scrolling through the internet, because it will make me feel good. I will sleep sounder, and I will find my love of a good book again.

I will not surround myself with new hobbies that will sit unfinished. Building to the clutter that drowns out all the happiness of finishing one project instead of another. I will only do what I know, unless I choose to tale on a challenge.

I will let myself choose what will make me happy, what will make me healthy, and what will fill me up. I will not over exert myself, when walking to the mailbox and back is just as refreshing.

This will be my year of being kind to myself, and allowing myself to achieve things.

One small task at a time.

This will be my year of rest to rebuild myself.

This will be my year to remember what I love.

This will just, be my year.