This is My Story

In life, we all have a story. But, not everyone is an open book. Some people prefer to be private while others can share their stories with no issue. In my story, My Testimony, I discussed bits and pieces of my life. But now, I am going to tell my full story.

It started when I was around the age of 9 years old. Imagine being a child, minding your own business and out of nowhere, you get molested for no reason. As a child, that’s not easy to process. Especially by someone you thought you could trust.

When I was 14 years old, my world was shattered. This same monster that stole my childhood, almost killed my sister. I say he stole my childhood because I was never the same afterwards.

When I saw her lying on the ground, about to leave this world, it made me so resentful towards my mother because I felt that her judgment should have been better. She claimed she had a spiritual gift of discernment of the spirit, which means you can tell that a person has the wrong spirit by looking at them and being around them. Where was that gift? Nowhere apparently.

I was 18 when I told her what he did. Her response: You could have saved your sister from all that if you had spoken up. Wow. I feel so much support.

Fast forward a few years. After I lost my virginity, at 19, I became a rape victim to the same person that gave me a confusing but happy moment. I never have understood that to this day.

From that point forward, sex became a drug to me. I didn’t care about anything. I had several health department visits, and it still never stopped me. I had convinced myself that if you do what a man wants, they stay by your side. Where I got that from is beyond me.

I have had more one-night stands than I can count. Relationship after relationship, trying to find that happy place as people call it. But I never found it. I convinced myself that I did but I got my feelings hurt more times than I can count.

My wild days finally caught up with me in one incident. I had what I thought was my boyfriend. I didn’t realize just how much danger I really was in. He said we were home alone so I believed him. When he opened the door, his friend was waiting on the couch and I turned around but he locked the door.

My thought process was that this was just a situation of convenience. Two men, myself, typical situation of two men taking turns with a girl. Running a train as they call it. But, for enjoying sex, sorry for being so graphic, I was beaten for over an hour.

At 10 pm, everything ended. I was in such shock, I couldn’t even sleep. I couldn’t process what had just happened. This man laid down in the bed beside….his 4 year old son as if nothing had happened. That’s just as cold-hearted as can be.

At 6 am, I pretend everything is okay and his phone rings. It was his mother asking him who is in her house. That phone calls saved my life. At 1 pm, we get in the car. A state trooper is nearby but I was told: We have no license and if you signal the trooper, you will lose your life. If we get pulled over, you will take the charges for us not having license.

Working 3rd shift in a nursing home is hard to do when you have been beaten in the back for over an hour. I was still trying to process what happened to me. I later realized that I was about to become the victim of sex trafficking. When did I learn this? A few years ago. Movies based on true stories depicted some of the same things that happened to me. Being taken to an undisclosed location. This means no landmarks, street signs or other visible signs to let you know where you are.

Fast forward: I got fired from my job and shortly afterwards, I ended right back in Shelby North Carolina. I went to WRAP classes (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) and got my certificate in 2010. I still didn’t stop.

In 2010, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. All those experiences came from life as I knew it.

When I turned 30 years old, I finally got tired of my addiction. I wasted so many years ruining my reputation.

I had to re-build my life, which took time. But in 2016, all those decisions I made, all the time I wasted, caught up with me. In January 2016, I wanted the emotional pain to end. I made a suicide attempt to take my life by taking several different combinations of medication.

I spent 7 days in a psychiatric unit. I met people who have a story but this one lady was attached to me. She was on drugs but she was the realest one there. She told me that nothing in my life would change unless I changed it.

That was the turning point in my life. Once I got home, I had the exact same experiences that she talk about.

People have a habit of calling people crazy, saying that they are taking crazy pills or draw a crazy check. But they need to learn about the person rather than using those labels.

But, once people find out you have any type of mental illness, they will automatically label you. I have had several bad ER experiences and failed relationships.

But now, I take antipsychotic medications, ADHD medication and a monthly injection. All of this medication combined is what it takes to manage my bipolar disorder.

The diagnosis in 2010, the suicide attempt in 2016, have all made me who I am today. Many people look at me like I am crazy when I say I’m bipolar. It’s because I have learned to live life instead of letting life live me.

So, to conclude my story, I say this: Life is not a fair fight, but you take the good with the bad. Everything in life isn’t always so sad.